Great last day

Spent my final day of the year with my mom and sister. We went to Mid Valley. The only reason I went was to shop for afew shirts and a new pair of shoes because I have been using the same pair of shoes to go out with friends for maybe 3-4 years already.



So we left the house at about 11am to go to my mom's office cause she had some small thing to do. HER OFFICE IS SO COOL!!! No idea why I think that way though. Haha. At about 1 we left for Mid Valley and I went to get the tickets for Sherlock Holmes at 7pm. I stood in line for maybe 45 minutes? The line was really long.



So after that, I went to Metrojaya to look for some shirts. EVERYTHING WAS STRIPES!!! I HATE! wearing horizontally striped shirts. So I didn't get anything. I couldn't even find myself some shoes... So in the end, I got a new shirt for my dad and my mom and sister got some stuff for themselves. Then after that had dinner. And yes... We spent ALOT of time in Metrojaya. At least 5 hours? Then we had dinner.



AFTER DINNER! We watched Sherlock Holmes. The seats were 2 rows from the screen but it was fairly comfortable. THE MOVIE SO NICE! Just that the ending is potong. Though I might like it only because I read Sherlock Holmes stories... Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle ONLY!!!



So after the movie. We were on our way to the the parking lot. It was almost closing time when I passed by the sports shop and saw a nice pair of shoes. I immediately went over to the sales-person and got my size. Didn't even try it on. Just got it and went off. And guess what? It's one size bigger than my current pair of shoes. So Im totally fine with it.



So we came back and I rushed to take a bath. Haha. Im very paranoid about feeling fresh... I feel weird if I walk to school because I start the day off sweaty... So mafan.



And now Im here at the computer blogging. I hope that the coming year is a good one. I not that this year was bad. I like it alot even though there were alot of bad times. Made alot of new friends. Gained alot of things. The bad stuff, I dont really care anymore. SO HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!



Gonna host a Skype call now. Im off from blogger for now. Bye

Apparently, I'm feeling much better than I thought I would be. So cool right?

Something very interesting happened today. DI WERN PLAYED DOTA WITH ME! She's only just a beginner so don't ask her to dota with you unless she wants to. And please dont let her dota with the public... Well, she and I took and and easy AI so I could teach her the basic stuff. What she knows how to do now is walk, attack, run, and buy treads and scrolls. Not to mention tangos. So she doesnt know how to use skills and she doesnt really know why she can level up either. Nor does she know what items to buy. So if possible, someone go to her place and teach her please. So she can have more fun. We beat the AI and she was so happy. LOL!
ANYWAYS!

Congratulations Di Wern, and thanks. You made my day.

Sorry Declan.

Im sorry about that. This is the first time I have been put into this kind of situation before. I guess because my immaturity sort of made me take it out on you. I couldn't control myself. Im sorry. Hope you can forgive me. I also hope that I can control it by tonight. If not I might not talk to anyone. Lol.



Im sorry, Declan.

Feelings just dont disappear when you want them to

I need some time to remove these feelings. 2 days at the very least. So hopefully I'll be fine for New Year's.

For someone who loves to be in the middle, you know who you are. Sometimes people dont want someone in the middle to help them. I totally know how JW feels now. So next time when I tell you that you have no idea what is going on, just shut up and stop it ok? Thank you.

I dont get it...

I seriously dont get it... Im not sure whether this is your part of your personality or what... Cause this has never happened before. Or maybe this is the first time I was hurt from it. I don't know. But still. It doesn't make sense... I wish I knew why, but you wouldn't tell me. And Im trying to believe what he told me, but because of what you told me the first time, I just can't... Im trying to not take the guy so seriously but still...
Don't you think it hurts when you care about someone and the someone is just mean to you 90% of the time??? What's so wrong with releasing that slight bit of stress out to the person who caused it?
I don't know how long I stayed up crying over this whole thing... And guess what? I dreamt about it too. So when I woke up, I cried again and again. So I hope you tell me what's going on. Before it's too late.

It's so hard to make people happy sometimes...
Ever been in a situation where you can make someone you love happy and yet risk others suffering? And the others are people you love too. Totally got me damn emo since 2.30a.m. this morning. I kept thinking about the whole thing expecting to cry but I didn't in the end and slept at about 3.30a.m. I woke up at 4.23a.m. because of some stupid dream and realized that I had been tearing in my sleep...
Yet I have something else that rips me apart... The pain comes and goes just like the pain on my right knee... It's so stupid... Why do I have to go through this over and over again? I hate making decisions... Yet every person has to make decisions. Sometimes these decisions can cost lives... But the decision I have to make will kill me before I can kill anyone. Which means Im the only one to suffer from it, I hope.
Im feeling sick girl, you're so contagious.

BAABCAA

That's what it said on my results slip... I am in no way dissapointed in it. Because I took the whole thing lightly. Haha. So I couldn't really put EVERYTHING into it. Serves me right lah, right?

Ashikin, I have your cookies. And my parents like them. I hope we can meet sometime before schoold reopens... Cause I definitely would prefer to give the container back to you before then... Haha

Being carefree is a good thing. SOMETIMES! I should seriously get someone to teach me how to be more serious about my studies... Hehe... I think I should just drown myself in music... IM SO BLOODY TIRED!

Went to V Station again... Damn fun. But about halfway through, my dad called... And was screaming at me because I only got 4As.... We hogged the band games room for about 3 hours? After that, we went to MCD to makan at about 5? Then after that I went back home. Sorry if I troubled anyone by walking back home. *coughs*

So I came back home, took a bath and SLEPT! It was so nice. Slept for about an hour. Then I woke up I was attacked with LOTS of calls from cousins and an text message from Declan which put the cherry on top of the cake... Zzz... So I woke up having a headache. And what do I take to take care of that? COFFEE!!! So Im most probably not sleeping tonight... Haha.

And now Im blogging. Haha. I have only afew final words to say. . .

Im sorry, Yasmin, Iman and Aiman. I totally forgot about calling you all. Im sorry. We'll go out some other time ok? Since the 3 of you have results good enough. *COUGHS LOUDLY*

And finally, congratulations to all form 3s. Doesn't matter whether you got any bad results. Sometimes, it's the effort you put in that counts.

YAY!

Phei Fern finally got a Skype! SO!!! All add her! Her Skype name is taka.loves.em
And now I owe her because she made it all because I asked her to... Sad right?
Hopefully this post can cancel off that debt. Because I really dont want to owe her... T.T
So what now? IM REALLY BORED! And Im talking to Arshad, Kevin and Phei Fern on Skype at 3.21 in the morning. Crazy? I dont think so.
Declan, next time, dont leave your Skype on when you aren't even there... Unless there's something wrong with your Skype lar. Haha.
I feel so stupid now... Because I dont usually blog like this... It's like empty talk... Someone call me stupid! LOL!!!

You don't know how I feel when you smile at me like that!
Can't you see that you are the one to bring me back to life!
HAAAAAH~~~ I like that!

Part of the chorus from Sweety by Clazziquai Project. I LOVE IT!!! MUAHAHA!!!

Today was AWESOME!!!

Declan's right...

Thanks Declan. Needed that.
Well, Im fine now. And thanks to Declan, I realize that the whole thing is a misunderstanding. Im sorry! So they few of you dont need to put this in your heads... Haha.

Again, thanks Declan.

Haiz...
Just to tell the few of you... It's VERY obvious that you people were out and met up and left me out of the picture yesterday. And when Gavin called me I was wondering what was the occasion... Considering that Ken was going... Which meant he had to already be out... When I called the 3 of you, all of you were out... So obvious lar...
I don't mind if you all dont invite for Starbucks or go outing or anything lar... But if you all invite me half way through your own outing and dont tell me the truth of what happened before I come, that just pisses me off... Seriously... And if you all didnt tell me because you thought that I would get mad, that makes it worse... Cause I would expect one or two of you to know how I would react by now... I wouldn't get mad... Im mad now only because I have the impression that you all didnt tell me the truth only because you thought I would get mad... Someone better tell me something before I go shooting everyone...

Sure, I did have fun yesterday. But now to think of it, I would rather that you people NOT invite me for outings if that's gonna happen again...

Stupid mood spoiling song...

I had such a good mood the whole day until I downloaded this ONE song that totally turned my mood around... I want to not listen to it, but because I have gone into emo-overdrive, I can't stop listening... And it's Ne-Yo... I can't turn my ears away from his voice... Damn nice voice and the song is nice also... BUT WHY??!!
The very minute I heard the song, my good mood kena potong damn badly... Zzz...
The name of the song is Part Of The List by Ne-Yo... ARGH!!!

IT'S OVER!!!

I no longer have a sleeping disorder. The gruesome 3 weeks or so seem VERY stupid now. MUAHAHA! CONGRATULATE ME!!!

I have a sleeping disorder T.T

Someone teach me how to sleep please... It's like body has totally forgotten how to go to sleep... Cause lately I haven't been able to sleep much... I've been sleeping at about 4am on a daily basis... I have no idea why I can't sleep. It's like my body is restless when my mind is extremely tired. Then when my body is tired, my mind is restless... SO MAFAN!!!
So someone... Please teach me how to take care of this...

The day has come

I feel very proud of myself. Im feel that Im finally over her. No offence to you, but I really feel glad that Im over you. Maybe anger has finally pushed the feeling away. And hopefully it NEVER comes back.

You called me at 1.28A.M. this morning just to ask if Im okay. The only reason I actually said 'Yeah, I am' was because I just woke up... How can you expect me to be okay after all the crap I go through? Thankfully, Im much more calm now. So if you want to know what happened, I would be GLAD to explain.

I really miss you.

Yesterday night or rather this morning at about 1.30a.m. I thought of you. I dont know why I thought of you. Was it because of the emotional breakdown from yesterday afternoon? Or was it because you popped into my mind and I just continued thinking? I dont think I want to know. I cried so much because I thought of this one person who is very important to me. Before I continue, I would like to apologize to Jo Yee, a very good friend of mine. As I promised the night before that I would call her if I needed to talk about anything at all. Im sorry Jo Yee. I didn't call. I didn't want you to hear me cry. Im sorry.

I really miss you. And in a few months time, I think you would forget almost everything about me. You gave me something that I always wanted to feel. Last year, I gave up on even hoping I would feel that emotion which God knows what you call it. But thanks to you, I finally had the chance to feel it. And Im glad and thankful because you allowed me to. Thank you for that. All that's left now is one question.

Will you remember me as the boy who loved you or as the boy who gave you comfort? Or will you even remember me in months to come?

Doesn't matter. All that matters is as long as you remember me and know that I love you, it's good enough. I hope that you know that it's you Im talking about when you read this post.

Last but not least, thanks for everything.

Never cross a road while talking on the phone

It's been awhile. Haven't blogged in about a week or more. So Im gonna blog about yesterday and today AND 2 days ago too. But it's gonna be short.

Monday, 23rd of November
My cousin brothers came over. We had alot of fun with cards and computer. So I didnt rot. Had Dominos' for dinner. IT WAS AWESOME!!!

Tuesday, 24th of November
Called afew old friends over to my house. So we had one of their PS2s connected to my new 42" LCD. Since my cousins were there, we had even more fun than expected. Played even more cards and got some new cards. MUAHAHA!

Today
Woke up at 12pm today. So I immediately started washing the clothes. Thank God they dried in time. HAHA! Anyways... After washing the clothes, I had lunch and watched Kiva since I had nothing to do. Stupid DVD was corrupted at episode 14... T.T
At about 5pm, Phei Fern called cause she was so bored. Your timing wasn't so good this time, Phei Fern. I was already on my way to the basketball court. Next time should call Ken to come. Sorry Ken, forgot to call you to come and play. OH! Something bad almost happened to me... I almost died today because of my phone AGAIN! Im sure you would be happy if I died right? Phei Fern? LOL! But I wonder how you would feel if you were the one who caused it. HAHA! Joking joking. But she almost got me killed. So an old lesson must be re-implanted into my head.
NEVER CROSS ROADS WHILE TALKING ON THE PHONE!

One more thing. No need to thank me, Jo Yee. It's what friends are for.

IT IS DONE

I have deleted the non-emo blog. So from now on, this is NOT and all emo blog anymore. LOL.
That's all. Very short post for nothing

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. Haven't had the mood. So! I believe I am gonna remove the non-emo blog. Cause even when Im not making any non-emo posts, I post them here. So I will remove it soon. I only wonder when David is gonna blog again. Zzz. Anyways, about the competition. Went there quite early but fought quite late. At about 5pm. HAHA. Lost in the first match even though I am VERY certain that I could have won the match easily. That thought is supported by my instructors too. But it doesn't matter. Cause that was my first ever clean match. So I enjoyed those 3 minutes very nicely.
This morning at 12.48am, somebody called me and told me she couldn't sleep. The thing is, I picked up the phone immediately. Why? Because I was thinking about alot of stuff. She called me at the right time because I would have cried if I had thought about the stuff any further. So thanks, Di Wern. I owe you BIGTIME.
One last thing before I end this post. This morning at 3am, my guitar dropped along with it's stand and one of my big containers which keeps my books dropped too. I woke up very blur and saw the books and guitar on the floor. I didn't really care about it yet so I went back to sleep. BUT! Just before closing my eyes, something moved at the corner of my eye. It shocked me until I practically had by heart bounce out of my chest. It was maybe 5 seconds after looking at it properly when I realized that it was.... JENG JENG JENG! A CAT! Apparently it came into the house from the front window and into my room from my room window. Must have been looking for my opened bar of chocolate which I didn't finish afew hours before. So I chased it out of my room and out from my house. That took me about 15 minutes cause It went back into my room when I opened my house front door... Stupid cat! Cause of that cat, I couldn't sleep for another 2 hours. Haiz...
So that's about it for now. Bye

Tomorrow is the day...

I get freaking injured and will need a foot massage just to walk on the next day. HAHA! Seriously though, the competition is TOMORROW! And Im freaking injured already... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
So unfair. Need to be okay by tomorrow! ARGH!!!
I bought the cold spray thing. 2 cans. Never knew they were THAT expensive. RM20 each... Damn pain to my wallet cause it was my own money... LOL! I dont know why, but I just had a feeling that KK isnt gonna be providing us with the spray. So Im guessing that alot of people will be asking for it tomorrow... zzz
Mom's calling me to cook. WISH ME LUCK! BYE

What your problem?

Why do you keep doing that to me? Seriously. I dont know what's your problem. Until you tell me why, I wont know what you're trying to tell me. And just so you know, I enjoyed seeing that tortured face of yours this morning. Hope you enjoyed it! Im sure you know who you are. So tell me what you are trying to do. Before I take things the wrong way.

Scared

The competition is on Sunday. OMG! IT'S THIS SUNDAY! AND IM FREAKING SICK! Plus I have both my hamstrings pulled. How lar? If not ok by Friday day then Im dead lar. ARGH!!! What makes it worse is that all the competetors are MBW people... SCARY!!! Wish me luck people. I WILL NEED IT! LOL!

I HATE YOU!!!

Im going to TRY and refrain from using foul language.

WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??? Who in bloody hell do YOU think you are???!!! Who ever said that YOU could change things??!! YOU SUCK! I can't believe I'm ACTUALLY doing this crap. I hope you know that YOU FREAKING SUCK! And I don't know about the others, but I FUCKING HATE YOU, BLOODY BITCH!

Starting to get alittle pissed

After reading everyone's blogs that have posts about the AAR concert, Im starting to get alittle pissed at my mom. Trying to control it though. Cause I can't just burst and tell my mom infront of family : ' I should have gone for the concert. YOU LAR!' Those would be the exact words I would tell her. Because of her, I've been stuck here, bored and getting EXTREMELY FAT! They've been feeding me TOO much... So much until I can literally feel my body getting heavier... Plus I've got a sparring competition coming up VERY SOON! If I weigh more that 60kg, Im dead meat... ARGH!!! Must start on extreme exercise and balanced diet, FAST!!!! LOL

What's wrong with me?

Im in Sabah right now, I'll be back on Monday. Left for the airport late so we reached late... Managed to get on-board just in time. The flight was killer considering that I have been having back problems for the past 2 days already. Reached Tawau, Sabah after a 2 hour and 45 minutes flight...
Met my uncle at the airport and left for Semporna. Was VERY bored because I had no idea what we were gonna do. In the end, all we did was look at some GIANT fish and drove back to my uncle's place which is in Sandakan. The drive there was gruesome... It was a 5 hour drive...
When we reached there, I, being my usual self, WAS FREAKING HUNGRY!!! So we all took a bath, and went for dinner. Had RAW LOBSTER for APPETIZER! Cool right? It brought my boredom mood totally back up. I ate until I was TOTALLY STUFFED with SEAFOOD!!!
Then we came back to the apartment and now Im blogging, being bored and being down for I dont know why. Maybe cause Im worrying about that thing... Damn lar... Im supposed to be relaxing, yet Im working my brain off by worrying about something that isn't happening to me...
WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

Im Sorry

Dont know whether you will read this post or not. We have yet again dissapointed you. I really dont know what to say lar. All I can say is that Im sorry. I really can't attend today. If I could, I would. And you know that everyone is scared of you when you are angry. Most of us dont have any actual reasons for not passing up the forms.

Im sorry(Im sure all of us are too), Sir Tan Kok Keong.

Thank you

For making the last day worthful. I make it seem like Im never seeing you again when I will see you in about 2 weeks time... LOL! I wonder how you will be before the thing... Hopefully you'll be fine before AND after the thing. Im sure you'll be fine right? HAHA

Final words:

Orewa-no, Phei Fern-san, daisuki desu.

Now I have reason to say it.

Im sorry I didn't talk to you today even though it was my last day seeing you. Im really sorry. I just didn't want to piss you off. I thought that if I was with them on that side you'd be fine with it and that you would think 'Thank God he's not here to piss me off today'. Seriously, that's what I think you would think. I hope that sentence is correct.
Im really sorry. And I really hope that you will lose your anger before the thing, it's important that your pressure is normal.

I hope you know that where you are I wish you well.

Perfect line for me to say to you. Good luck, and dont leave.

Seriously, alot of us would cry if that happened, GOOD LUCK!!!

Last Post in A Long, Long Time...Hopefully

You know, come to think of it,

IF I never did, do anything I did to help us have a good

friendship-bonding time,

I wouldn't be so hurt.

If I never helped you go for the trip,

I wouldn't be so left alone and hurt

and maybe perhaps have

a better time myself there.

Come to think of it,

I wonder wether you still do

appreciate or even remember

all the things I did for you.

Still wonder wether you actually

was touched by what I did for you or even cared about what I did.

I guess not

Why? Well, cause, you didn't

keep your promise.

How do I know wether you did or didn't?

I don't need to.

I can see it straight in your actions.

You don't even give a damn about everthing I do or did for you.

Maybe if you did, only little.

Not much to be considered as your friend.

So What The hell right?

DID&DO

What a lonely day

I didn't go to school today because I was expecting Beh and Seng Yew to come to my house... In the end, the plan had to be changed. So I was at home feeling lonely and thinking about ALOT of emo stuff... Then I rememberd that there was an EXCO meeting this morning... I hope Pn. Surita wont kill me for it, even though she told me herself that the meeting was today... So I was talking to Daniel Yoong for the whole morning online. Thanks Daniel for accompanying me until you had to go for work. After that I was waiting for people to show up online...
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting........
WAITING...........
And the first one to pop-up was Kevin. Which was weird. I would expect people like Jo Yee or Ken or Phei Fern to pop-up first. So I talked to him while watching Kabuto... I was wondering which one came first, Decade or Kabuto, so I thought 'I should ask Ken, he would know'... Turns out that he still wasn't online even though it was already 3pm... Then at 4.30pm, Kevin went off to meet them at Kayu... I was like 'POTONG!'... But then again, thanks Kevin for chatting with me, REALLY appreciate it. Then only I remembered that they all were going to Kayu today... Haiz... So sad for me... This lonely little boy at home... Doing nothing but sitting infont of his small laptop while thinking how I can fix my problem with her... Made me cry once today because I was thinking about my problems... I need to talk to people about them soon before I blow up... Even my english is getting worse due to my problems. ARGH!!! The 2 people I plan on talking about them to, one of them is most probably studying so her phone is definitely OFF! And the doesnt come online much and is EXPENSIVE to call... So I think I'll wait for either one of them to be free first...

Can somebody save me,
Cause Im thinking maybe,
That you can take me piece by piece....

Part of the starting of Fallin Apart by the All American Rejects... I feel exactly like those few sentences...

WHY?!

WHY? did you have to leave her?
WHY? do you continuously stab me? If you hate me so much, just kill me already?
WHY? am I such a BIG asshole?
WHY? do I feel this way for you?
WHY? cant I just say NO?

Im not strong enough to take all that burden ok? Let loose on me. Cause you and I BOTH know that I cant live up to what you want me to be...

I cant believe it...

I cant believe I was sitting there on the bridge for almost 2 hours this morning just thinking whether I should ring the bell... Definitely wasnt stalking. I was just on my way to Taekwondo class really early cause my parents weren't around. And considering that nobody was at the academy, I might as well have waited at a place where I could sit comfortably for free and just think about my problems. I cant believe I was sitting there for almost 2 hours! I have no idea how I survived to think about my problems without any music and not cry! Most probably cause of the traffic and also the fact that it was a public place.
At approximately 1.30p.m. I went to the academy feeling pretty okay after thinking about all my problems lately. After teaching Chow Yee, straight away moved on to the E.X. Academy Sparring Team training. IT WAS KILLER! I kicked Beh's elbow twice with the same leg on the same spot, got kicked on my left biscep AT LEAST 10 times(got a bruise for it) and clashed on my RIGHT knee at least 5 times. Considering the injury that I already have, my knee is feeling like it's gonna break off soon...
I went to the academy at 1.30p.m. When all the training had ended, I came back at about 7 p.m. and got a crazy shooting from my mom. But it was worth it cause I made a big improvement today. So YAY FOR ME!!!
Anyways, Im gonna sleep now. Have a good night everyone! BYE

People are right about me

Alot of people are so right about me. I SO dig up my own holes... And I really dont know why I do that? Am I lacking of attention? Maybe, but even if I was, I would search for my parents attention instead of my friends' attention. So can somebody tell me why I just keep doing this to myself? It sucks to be SO depressed and yet EXTREMELY hyper at the same time you know? Im can't believe the MBW Open is coming soon and yet Im in depression... So unfair...

Orewa Phei Fern-san daisuki daisuki daisuki desu

My desires

I have to remove my desires for more. I have to stop expecting that we can become more than just best friends. Cause I know deep inside, no matter how much I try to escape the fact, you and I can't be together. It just wouldn't work. Now all I want is what you most probably want as well. And you were the one who gave me the thought to it. I never thought it was possible due to my desires. But now I believe that it IS possible for you and I to be what we were before we told each other about our feelings for each other. And I really want that now.
I wonder if we both agree on that. That we should just be best friends and nothing more and hide our feelings and hopefully slowly lose them. Im not saying that I have anything against our feelings for each other. I just think that it would be the best option for the both of us. We put each other through crap almost everyday. So it should be best that we just stayed friends. Do you agree? I hope you do.

OREWA PHEI FERN-SAN DAISUKI DAISUKI DAISUKI DESU

Tell me please

I know that lately I have pissed alot of my friends off. Actually I have been doing that forever now. But I would like to know, who is pissed at me. If I dont know, how can I ever make it up to you people? And if I dont know why you're all pissed at me, I would never know how to fix it either. So please. Tell me. Whenever you people are pissed, just tell me. I need to change. I know that. I need to remove my stubborness before that, I know that too. Thank you, Ashikin, for that. Though you may not have faith in me that I can remove it, I WILL try. I just need to find out where to start first. So give me a stepping stone. And hopefully I can do my best to be the person you all want me to be.
Thank you.

I know I suck

I already know I suck. I also know that Im an ass and one of the biggest idiots on this planet! Nobody has to remind me about that. I just felt lonely this morning, that's all. Im sorry for saying that. Please forgive me. I really didn't mean it.
Besides that, I know that whenever we tell each other that thing, problems always come. It's a part of life, we can't escape it. Everyone will go through this kind of problems sooner or later. So please, forgive me. I really am truly sorry.

I wonder

A thought came to me this morning. What would happen to me if you were to leave me? Would I misunderstand? Would I get mad? Would I leave your side? Would I hate you? Would I kill you?

Answers to all that would be a big fat NO. I wouldn't leave you even if the world told me to. Cause I made a promise that I wouldn't leave you. I will always be there for you no matter what. Same goes for anyone who wants my help. Im just a call away.

But 1 thing that would definitely happen to me if you left me is that I would be devastated by it. So I hope you wont leave me. You can break my heart, just don't leave me.

Cant believe it...

I can't believe that I almost cried during training today... Crazy right? I was supposed to be happy. But because of the EXTREME lack of sleep, I was so dead... Till the training was cancelled. I almost cried cause I thought of that... It's so sad that I cant talk to anyone about it... Cause Im sworn to secrecy... ARGH

Since you left at 3.07a.m. , I couldn't stop thinking about you.
First I thought about you, then that, then him... It sucks when I can barely even manage afew days without seeing you. Am I crazy? SURE I AM! Crazily in love with you... Yet somehow, I feel happy for a certain reason. I dont think Im gonna emo tonight even though I thought about that thing... So you may relax and calm down when you wake up in the morning and read this post. Im sorry for one thing though, that is not being able to come online. I'll be going back to Taekwondo for the first time in 2 weeks.

FINALLY!!!

What should I do?

I seriously dont know who to ask for advice anymore. I need an some opinions... Leave your opinions for the following 2 situations on my C-Box.

1- I promised my mom that I wouldn't go on outings anymore after the one on Thursday. But on this coming Monday is a very dear friend's belated birthday dinner. I have no idea what I should do. I feel guilty for intentionally trying to break this promise. But then again, I have perfectly good reasons to break this promise. I dont know what to do... ARGH! HELP!

2- Should I tell my mother about how I feel for a certain girl? I tell my mom almost everything. But I dont know if I should... The thing is alot more complicated... Help?

Im scared

I went offline this morning to get some sleep at 2a.m. I slept almost immediately. At a certain point, close to 3a.m. I think, somthing woke me up. It was about you, leaving your entire bunch of friends and I after it failed. I woke up before the ceremony, finding the side of my pillow that I was sleeping on wet, and the other side of my face flooded with tears. I tried to not think about it and dried my tears after I woke up, but then when the clock struck 3 a.m., tears started to flow like a river into the sea. I prayed and prayed that you would be fine for almost an hour. When I had finally stopped crying, it was 5a.m. already. And the fact that with every passing day, I might have less time with you puts me into depression.

I cant live without you.

I wanna see you.

I wanna hold you in my arms.

I wanna love you forever.

AND

I want you to promise me that you will never leave me or any of us.

Please stay.

Are you a comforting person?

The answer is yes. To me that is. When Im down and need help, I dont even need to ask you(and I almost NEVER do) and you come to save me. Thank you.
You asked me if you are a comforting person, I say YES. There's no doubt about it.
I only just realized that so many people were there for me when I needed help, but somehow I managed to annoy them into not wanting to be there for me anymore. But YOU were the only one who stood there to bear with my idiocy even though it meant going through pain. You were there for me. And I never appreciated what you did for me. Thank you.
In fact, I never ever appreciated what ANY of my true friends did for me. And now, I feel like an ass. So...
Thank you, everyone.

Sorry dude

I only realized it last week. I couldnt stop thinking of her. Im sorry for doing this to you. Please forgive me. Im feel very strongly for her. And I cant do anything about it. But I dont regret feeling the way I feel for her. Please dont get mad at me.

What's wrong with me?

I had a bad night of sleep yesterday night. I woke up at 7.30a.m. this morning.
Why?
Because......
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
I couldn't stop worrying about you.
I couldn't stop dreaming about you.
I can't stop loving you either.
haha

If you want reasons after reading this post, go ahead and ask me.

Worried...

Im worried because of the way you have been talking to me tonight. It feels like you are slipping away. Isit my fault? Or am I just being paranoid? Please tell me...

Forgive me for everything tonight

I ask for forgiveness from Ken Yoong, Kevin and especially Phei Fern. Im sorry for worrying all of you. I can't explain myself to any of you for what I did. Trust me, I knew that you would all be worried and I would regret worrying all of you, but I needed the time to myself. I hope you can all understand that I need to be by myself at random times. Im sorry.

Guilt

I feel guilt. Not gonna say why. That's all for now.
Damn lazy to blog. Sorry.

Thanks and sorry

This post is dedicated to a very dear friend of mine- Chong Phei Fern.
On Friday night, I was really bummed out for I can't remember what reason anymore. So I texted Phei Fern to talk about it because she was the only one I could think of who would still be awake at 1 a.m.? I would like to thank her because she took the time to put up with my stupid whining and actually stay up for me for the whole night! THAT'S RIGHT! THE WHOLE NIGHT! I accidentally cried myself to sleep at about 2 a.m. and I feel my phone vibrate even though it was right next to my head... I woke up at about 7 a.m. checking my phone and finding myself reading a message that said: 'I won't sleep until you reply me!'... At first I thought 'No way she would stay up that long... Even I can't do that...' So I texted her in reply to that message and she replied me immediately! I called her immediately after that to say sorry and so the conversation continued from there...
So yeah...
Thank you so much, Phei Fern. And Im so sorry.

I told her about how I feel for her via phone call on Friday night via phone call. No point hiding it anymore since I could tell that she already figured it out herself. I dont think Im sad about it. She was very normal with it. Im trying not to be sad about it. So most of you should not worry. So chill. Im fine. ^^

Feeling guilty #2

This post is entitled '#2' because I have made a post with a similar title before. lol...
Well, today I feel depressed, guilty and thankful. I will go to guilty and thankful first.
I wanted to skip school today but my parents told me yesterday that either I skip today or I skip tomorrow. So naturally I chose tomorrow to skip school. Realizing that nobody was coming to school today, I called Phei Fern to come to school. She wasn't so co-operative at first, but she said yes in the end. She asked Rachel to come and so she came too... Only 6 people came to class today... So it was really boring. I feel guilty because I called Phei Fern to come to school and therefore causing her depression today. Thankful because she was willing to come and accompany me.
Now, to the part where I feel depressed. I feel depressed because... Nevermind. I think I'll leave that part out of this. Just know that I am depressed. Good enough.

I need you here with me right now,

But I dont want you here,

Because that would just stab the knife deeper into my heart.

Patience...

I need to be patient with everything now. Im so pissed that I can't go to train for the next 2 weeks. My parents won't let me out till PMR is over...
I almost burst at a very sensitive friend a few minutes before making this post because of the not being able to train thing... I wanna kill someone.
I need to release some anger and I dont want to punch walls over such a thing. So IM GONNA BURST RIGHT NOW!
DO You BLOODY KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE DONE FOR YOU??!! YET WHEN I ASK FOR A SMALL THING IN RETURN, YOU COMPLAIN AND HURT ME AT THE SAME TIME? ARGH!

AND YOU! CANT YOU SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TORTURE ME EVERY SINGLE DAY IN SCHOOL???!!! PLEASE TAKE MY BLOODY HINTS ALREADY! I WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH A.S.AP.! YOU MAKE ME SO PISSED AT THE GUY TILL I PUNCH WALLS AND MAKE ME SO BLOODY SAD BECAUSE OF SO MANY REASONS! THE MAIN REASON IS!

Im madly in love with you. Please realise it. I cant tell you now for certain reasons. If you can find out before my planned date, it would make it a whole lot easier for me.

PLEASE! GOD DAMN IT! REALISE IT NOW!

I F*^K&*G HATE YOU, BLOODY PMR!!!

What's wrong with me?

I realise that I can't study in almost any given condition or environment but I don't know why. This made me very very pissed at myself. I almost blew up at afew people. That comes to show that I can be very patient with other people but I can't be patient with myself. It's stupid isn't it? It should be the other way around.

You treat me just like another stranger,

Well it's nice to meet you, Sir.

Well I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend!

Sometimes I wish I could sing that to so many people. Including HER. Well, I must be really pissed today. I fell in love with that song today even though I didn't really like it before. I've been listening to it tons of times today and I can already get the lyrics. : )

But then again, Im still pissed.

Sometimes I wonder why I fell for you.

Must there be a reason to love?

I know that a reason is unnecessary,

but I still wonder why.

I need to learn how to neglect emotions.

Example:Love, fear, sadness, anger, pain.

Then again, I should love.

So maybe I can learn to control the emotion.

I should. Dont you think so too?

Yet another bad day

I dont know whether it's me or whatever... But I always have the worst times during the holidays... I wish I knew what is the cause for my misery... Wait, I do know... And the cause sucks. Cause without it, I would be a particularly happy person. The cause isn't anything that has to do with my lovelife. It's got everything to do with my past. Some people might know what Im talking about. Most wouldn't. And I can't really explain it on this blog... Too long of a story...
So that is all for today. I wish for everyone to have a good night and a good weekend. Bye.

EMO DAY

I feel bloody emo today... No idea why... Nobody knew that I was cause I put up a false front so that Declan, Chee Seng and Gavin wouldn't know. Pro right? Im actually pretty good at putting up a false front but for the right reasons. Unlike SOMEONE I know. Im sure SOMEONE would know that it's him/her. Maybe it's because I have been thinking about HER the whole day today? Maybe... And maybe not... But I have been thinking about her the whole day today. I wish I could see you right now... I miss you alot... Should I try to forget you? I could if I wanted to. Cause I have done that to someone before. I almost managed to forget you, but the fact that I have been thinking about you so much today proved the fact that it's impossible for me to forget you. Forget HIM, or at least dont kill me everytime you bring up a topic about HIM... You have no idea how much pain I feel whenever you talk about HIM...
I hope you realise how I feel about you and that I can't forget you. Please make the correct choice.

Im Sorry

Im sorry Ken Yoong. I didn't know that I hurt you that badly. But you were right about one thing. If I had known how you felt at the time, I would have called IT off. But would it have mattered? Cause IT was heading into a road of doom already. You should have told me earlier. That could have saved us both from being hurt so badly. You should have told me yourself too... LOL! Cause when I was told by your messenger, I was furious that you didn't tell me yourself... But what's past has past. No point in regreting it. I hope you aren't hurting as bad as then. I wish you good luck, my good friend.

Disturbed

I was disturbed by a certain dream a few nights ago... I saw my life get destroyed by one guy... He took the girl that I love so much away from me. I woke up with tears already running down my face. I don't hate that guy. It's just that I wish I never met him... Then at least I could think that I might be better than him. But the fact is, since he and I are acquaintances, I know it as a fact that he has a better character, better looks, better everything. I realise now, that I should give up right now. But chances are, I won't be able to. No matter how hard I pray, I can never be with you.

Stupid illness...

I got a fever again... After only getting it one month ago... I guess my eating habits are very bad... I've been listening to alot of love songs again... Which sucks... Cause it reminds me of her... Especially when I hear the songs that she introduced to me... I wish I could cry to let out my sad feelings... Haiz...

Im so noob...

I feel super noob when I see people like Beh or Seng Yew do very very pro things while training... Most of those things, I can't do no... Even if I train hard... It's so saddening that I have to watch them in jealousy... I don't mean to say that they are bad to me. Neither do I have a problem with them, I just have a problem with myself...

IT IS DONE!

This blog no longer belongs to me alone. I have invited David Chin to write on this blog due to his request. So now, this blog will be even more emo because we are 2 very emo people. I have just made a second blog. Reason is stated there... http://il0v3lif3.blogspot.com/ is the url. Knock yourselves out...
By the way, you can now link this emo blog as David and Danush/Danush and David. Whatever lar... Up to you...

This blog is gonna be even more emo.

HEHE... This blog is definitely gonna be more emo soon. You will understand why when something very unexpected happens. HEHE

The worst feeling in life.

I learned something very useful today. I learned that regret is the worst feeling in life. Why? Because it makes you suffer but there is no reward to suffering it. There is no point in regreting anything but yet we still feel regret for certain things...
Yesterday night, my mother told me something that shocked me. She said the following words :'If by any chance that you don't get results that are better than your cousin sister, I will transfer you to another school and stop you from Taekwondo.' My mother has never threatened me before... The cousin sister that she was talking about got 5As... So I have to beat her... Which sucks... Cause I haven't really studied properly yet... I hope I can get good results that would get me into Pure Science Stream.
BUT DONT WORRY! I WILL NOT LEAVE SMKTS! I LOVE IT HERE!

OMG WEI!

I just really wanted to blog... It was very very sudden... So Im blogging. But what to blog about? I KNOW!

Ok, so here it is. On Saturday morning, my mom took me out shopping... We were late to go to KL because of my sister who took ages to get out of the bath... When we reached KL, we saw that the SOGO shopping complex was bloody packed... When we finally found a parking spot, we quickly seperated our own departments. Me to the Men's and the other 2 to the Women's. One thing that surprised me while I was there was that I actually looked for stuff and went nuts... I believe my feminine side took over me... I went berserk over clothes for the first time in my life. I tried so many different looks in the fitting room... In the end, I got 3 shirts and 2 pairs of pants that cost my mom about hmm... Let's see... RM600!!!!!! CRAZYNESS! To some people not so lar... But I have never chosen any clothes for myself that cost more than RM40 ever before... Then we had lunch and I missed the more than half my Taekwondo class... I was really pissed that day... HAHA
Anyways, GTG cook now. Lunch! HEHE

In vain

Guess what? I finally gave up on trying to keep my blog as happy as possible. All my efforts in vain. Wasted even more of my study time on changing the layout and font colours and so on... I wish she was here with me... I need her warm smile and her weird sense of humour more than ever now...

Why?

Why do I always seem to annoy the people who I cherish in my heart? It's like I manage to show them the person that's inside and suddenly I show them something else... I dont get it. Can somebody please tell me why I can annoy and infuriate almost anyone with just a sentence? Isit really because of the ego that I've been trying to fix for about 4 months already? Seems that the methods that I am trying are pretty pointless...

IM A SCREW-UP!

WHY??? CAUSE I SCREWED MY BEST SUBJECT FOR TRIALS!
As everyone knows, my strongest subject is Science. But for the first time after coming into this school, my science marks are gonna drop... They have always either been at the same point as before or it increases... I feel no point to studying anymore... I studied so hard for it...

WOW!!!!

I came back home yesterday night after a basketball game... I was really tired because it was the first time I had played with college students... MADNESS WEI! Damn fun to play with them. But after taking a bath, I went to sleep almost immediately. Before I slept, I planned to wake up really early to study. IM VERY SCARED FOR MY SCIENCE AND MATHS! So I did. If you notice the time of this post. HAHA.
I woke up at 1.30am to study. I stayed awake until now. And I actually managed Form 1-3 Science with all the AAR songs from the album that I bought with my own money which put a whole in my wallet. IT COST ME RM45.90! Damn pain...
Anyways, I feel really hyper right now cause I couldn't control my craving for coffee... So yeah... HAHAHAHAHA
I will blog again later after school. I PROMISE!

IM BACK!

Im back from Nilai... Which is where my mom's hometown is. I went there on Saturday evening and came back today. I had tons of fun until night came on that Saturday... I did something to offend a certain someone... I didnt know she would react that way... I hope she reads this post. So she knows how sorry I am... But it doesnt really matter. Cause Im gonna apologise to her myself. Because of that small mistake, she was so pissed at me... The words that came from her sort of stabbed me like a spear through my chest... So yea... It was painful. I also could not sleep well for 2 consecutive nights. First night was because I couldnt stop thinking about her words and when I finally got to sleep, THE BLOODY DOG WOKE ME UP! It continued to bark from 3am-7am! I didnt know why... I hate the bloody dog... Then on the second night, I could have slept but this time, one of my nieces(she's 3 months old now I think), couldn't stop crying FOR 3 BLOODY HOURS! What makes matters worse for both nights was, NOBODY HEARD THE BARKING NOR THE CRIES! ARGH!!!!! And each morning when I woke up, my cousins aged 10 and below would pull my hands screaming:" DANUSH KOR KOR! LAI GEN WO WAN!" That's in mandarin. Translation to the sentence is as follows:" Brother Danush! Come and play with me!" My biceps were already pulled on Saturday but they pulled it even more... This afternoon when I came back and went grocery shopping with my mom, I could barely even push the trolley properly...

But now I believe I should be okay now I have my VOLTAREN GEL for treatment to the muscle pull. HEHE So that's all for now.

Stupid laptop...

Yesterday, my laptop(the computer with everything! Including MSN and DOTA) crashed on me... I didnt bother trying to fix it till I got fed-up with watching tv at 7.00pm... It was actually very very simple. I fixed it in an hour. Took awhile but overall, it was really easy. HAHA.
My laziness stopped me from playing DOTA for the whole day yesterday. Then played DOTA at night. Got a scolding from my mom cause I was shouting so freaking loud while playing. And that's all for now...

Damn Pissed!

When I got back home from school today, I put the laundry in the washing machine and turned it on. After soaking the dirty clothes from Monday and Tuesday, I let the machine do it's job while I went to do my homework. I took 20 minutes on the homework and I felt like playing DOTA. So I did... DUH! What I notice while I was on the way to the computer room was a nice puddle of water around the washing machine... It was only when I had heard the house phone ringing that I rushed pass that area and slipped of the soapy water and landed on my bum... It was then that I realised that the water hose that's meant to flow the water that had already been used in the washing machine was out of the washing area which is where the drain is... So my whole dining area, living room and sister's room were flooded...I took 20 minutes to dry up the dining area but after that I gave up and let the fan dry the water while I went to shoot some hoops with Cheese.

Most of you wont understand this but this is a great achievement! I BEAT THE CHEESE AT A GAME OF HORSE! BY 2 LETTERS!!! YEAH BABY!
So now yeah, Im ok. Hopefully I will be able to see all my dearest friends tomorrow. Cant live a day without them... Just noticed that... HAHA

Wishing on a shooting star

For what? Cause I want to be emotionless... Only certain people will understand why I wish to be emotionless. Sorry for other...
Actually... I having these feelings for someone... And I dont want to have those feelings... I thought I was over her already, but apparently I wasnt... It's so frustrating that I always think about her... And that the way she laughs brings me up... To top that off, she always kills me when she talks about her crush with me on the phone... Frankly I think it's evil but I cant blame her cause she will never know how I feel for her...


Pity me? Dont... I dont need your pity!

Just noticed that I was tagged by for this thing too...

USING ONLY ONE WORD!It's not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers.
1. Where is your cell phone?
Dunno.
2. Your significant other?
Dead.
3. Your hair?
Manguk.
4. Your favourite thing?
Dunno.
5.Your dream last night?
Blank
6. Your favourite drink?
Coke
7. Your dream/goal?
Help
8. What room you are in?
Office
9. Your hobby?
Lots.
10. Your fear?
Darkness.
11. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
University
12. Where were you last night?
Bedroom.
13. Muffins?
Chocolate!
14. Wishlist item?
W910I
15. Where you grew up?
Selangor
16. Last thing you did?
Breathe.
17. What are you wearing?
Shirtless
18. Your TV?
Dead.
19. Your pets?
FISHIES XD
20. Your friends?
ROCK!!!
21. Your life?
Okay
22. Your mood?
Okay.
23. Missing someone?
Lots.
24. Car?
Driving.
25. Something you're not wearing?
Ring
26. Your favorite store?
Non-existant
27. Your favorite color?
Blue.
28. When was the last time you laughed?
Yesterday
29. Last time you cried?
8TH
30. Who will resend this?
No one.
31. One place that I go to over and over?
Restroom.
32. One person who emails me regularly?
Facebook...
33. Favorite place to eat?
Home

I TAG:

Iman, Arshad, Yasmin, Jo Yee, and Yun Lynn

I think Im sick...

Why? Cause I am (very) x (infinity) exhausted. I have never felt so exhausted before. Even the light excersises throughout the whole day cant make me sooo tired... So from that, I made the conclusion that I am sick for the first time during this whole H1N1 period...

And from there, I am going to announce that tomorrow will be the first time I am not going to school for non-prefects stuff. I have never skipped school for non-prefect stuff ever before within the past 3 years? Why am I skipping school tomorrow just because of a mild sickness? Cause I would most probably be chased out from school if the teachers find out. Sad right? HAHA

So I wish everyone a good day tomorrow. I know you will all enjoy it because Im not there. HEHE.

Scared

Of what? Of being taken off the board of prefects. I did something horribly wrong... But up till now, I still dont know why I did it... To anyone who wishes to know what happened, go ahead and ask me. I will think about whether I should tell you or not. And if you are gonna ask me via text messages but your number is not a Hotlink or Maxis number, please call me(Im running low on credit). But I guess Pn Harminder's words are the only ones that can still bring me back up from this feeling...
'It is only human for us to make mistakes. No matter how old we are, we still make mistakes and learn from them. No matter what happens, a second chance is always given for you to learn.' A reformed quotation from Pn Harminder. I reformed it to make it sound cooler and more grammatically correct.

Im so stupid

Wanna know why? Cause I let anger take total control of me today. If anyone wishes to know why, I will explain to them online or something. Cause Im not gonna blog about the details. Good bye.

I CANT UNDERSTAND LIFE!

WHY ISIT THAT THE INNOCENT ALWAYS GET THE FIRE? WHY??!!! SOMEONE FREAKING ANSWER ME AND TELL ME THE REASON WHY?! IM GONNA SAY THIS OUT-LOUD!
I, Danush Parameswaran, am losing my patience in general. I used to have a very high patience level, but now... I have to change my blog into emo mode again. Shit lar.

CAN ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY?!

Bad day...

Just had a seriously bad day. Not gonna say why. Those who want to know may ask. But I can only tell certain people. And one of the people I always go to when I have problems is sick... So I do not wish to kacau her. The rest are expensive to contact. And I cant punch walls anymore. So I have no idea how to get rid of my anger... Haiz...

Empty

Lately I have been feeling empty. It's been more than a year since I felt this kind of empty. And yes, feeling empty can be classified into different kinds of empty. Mine is the type where I feel like I dont have anything. It's like I have no one that I can rely on anymore... Why do I feel that way? No idea... Do I think the same way as I feel? No. Because Im very sure there will always be someone I can rely on when I need help. So I have no worries. Just wanted to share it.

Tired from everything today...

This is gonna be a slightly emo post...
So today was Taekwondo AGM and Interact Installation and I was in charge of the PA system again along with Dominic and Siew Meng. I never wanna do PA ever again if I have to do that crap...
So let me explain, I am tired today. Started 1st of August by sleeping at 3a.m. This was due to my obsessive reading of comics. Then I woke up at 7.00a.m. Did what most NORMAL people do after waking up, and then went to school. Had Taekwondo practice. Found out that Wai Phun wasnt gonna be around to conduct the grading for the blue belts next week. So Master Ben got me to replace Wai Phun... Which sucks... Cause I have done for blue belts before during the last grading... So unfair... Then during the AGM part of the training today, I was promoted from Ass. Secretary to Vice President along side Jason Chen. That was the surprising part. This year we have 2 vice presidents. BUT! There's a catch to it. One of use will be eliminated by Pn. Zurina if she find any one of use not doing well enough. So yeah...

Now to the installation. The installation was killer tiring. Why? Cause Gavin Neo didnt do a good job getting his other stage management people to get all the mics and stuff ready... So I had to give the orders or do it myself. And when the it was time for the performances, I had to run back down to the sound mixer and adjust the mic volume and the music volume... So I was practically doing work the whole time. So yea... It was tiring. Wanna know the worst part? I did the just as much as Siew Meng, but he's the one who get's the thanks. Dominic and I didnt get a single shit from anyone! I was so freaking pissed. Still am though. Just that I didnt show it to anyone until now. I just dont get it, is saying a simple 'thank you' so hard? I hope the truth to why no one thanked Dom and I was because they didnt know what we did instead of thanking Siew Meng only just because he's in the BOD... If that was the case, Im so gonna fight for the top post next year... JOKING! Though I am interested... NVM! Back to topic.
After Installation, I helped to clean up for awhile and then left early with a bunch of friends to go to MCD. There, I had a choco top and a choco sundae. Then we all had Spite. Iain, Ken Yoong, Gavin, Chee Seng and I played this game with Iain's Sprite. This game's rule was very very simple. All we had to do was drink up as much of it as possible. BUT! When everyone agrees that the cup is empty of the liquid, the one who last put his straw in would be the one to refill it. It was fun because everyone would rush to take as much as possible and then just finish it in less than half a minute. So I had an extreme sugar rush. Still having it.
So I had lots of fun but traded it for lots of stress this morning.

How lucky I am to find someone who can understand on my first try.

The other P understood. I feel very lucky to be able to have a friend to understand immediately after telling it the first time.

Was really pissed today cause there was some family problem. So to prevent myself from going berserk, I didnt talk to anyone and slept the whole day after recess... I wish to give my sincere apologies to all those who were ignored by me during the time after recess. Esepecially Shaina who was sitting beside me the whole time. I was supposed to talk to her during the Seni but I didnt because I slept... Im so evil... Feeling so guilty. Im sorry everyone.

And to the other P, hopefully you read this(though you have never read my blog before), you do not need to worry about me. I can control. And never look at me as if I was dying ever again. That look on your face is very very saddening. Cause you seem so so sad when you give that face... And frankly, it's scary... So dont show it ever again. Hopefully you read this blog... And this post too.

What to do? Who to turn to?

I need to tell someone soon before I go berserk... But who to turn to??? Everyone will misunderstand... Cant turn to I, A, J, P, G, F, K, J1, Y... Dont want to turn to KK cause I've troubled him more than enough already...
Maybe I should go to the other P... I think she would get it... Cause she's more understanding than everyone thinks she is... Somehow better than A... Lol... Hopefully you all dont dont who I am talking about... To those who know and they are in this list, Im sorry. But I cant tell you because you wouldnt be able to understand. Past experiences would show this...

When I think you all are capable of understanding, I will tell you. Im not looking down on you. Im just scared that it will kill our relationships. Sorry.

I forgot...

I forgot to make a post when I started blogging today... Ok.
Yesterday night I made the most satisfying sausage and bread sandwich ever before! Let me tell you how I did it.
I had fried some cheese sausages and planned to eat them this morning so I dont have to waste too much time cooking them for breakfast. I fried extra sausages for supper. I was REALLY hungry. Then suddenly I had this extreme craving for cheese??? So I got this really good idea which I have always wanted to do but never had the time to do so. This idea was to make the bread toast on one side and have a melted slice of cheese on the other and also have the sausage in the middle of it to make it a sandwich or whatever you call it.
How did I manage to get the bread done that way? Simple, I put it on the frying pan so that only one side would be getting all the heat and gets toast and the other side has the cheese that will melt due to the heat. When I took my first bite, IT WAS AMAZING! I never ever thought that bread and sausages could ever satisfy me so much ever before! I took 30 minutes just to finish to of those 'sandwiches' because they were so good! I took my time on each and every bite.
After that, I brushed my teeth and went to sleep. I had expected to fall asleep at least one hour from going to sleep. Surprisingly, I fell asleep within less than 10 minutes. It was the alarm clock that continued to disturb me throughout the whole night...
And that's about it for my whole perfect supper yesterday.

Tempted to tell

I have something that I wish I could tell the whole world. BUT! I cant... Cause if I do, every one who cares about me will definitely feel bad. So I won't say anything. But hopefully no one can guess what this thing is. By the way, it's not about my feelings for anyone. So don't come running to me and asking whether this post is about liking some random girl or whatever... Cause I still wont answer you, even if the subject of your question was correct.

So actually this post was pointless. Maybe there is a point to it... The point to this post is just to make anyone who even gives a damn get really curious. And so I can annoy them with not telling them anything. I feel so evil. HAHA!

Anyways, today was freaking tiring... Most people dont know this, but I haven't been able to sleep well for about 2 weeks now. Why? Cause of my new alarm clock. My new alarm clock's second hand is really really really noisy! I can't sleep properly because of the noise and also because Im a very light sleeper. LOL.

So today I was really really tired cause I just couldn't stand it anymore. Sad right? LOL. Had a spot check in the first 2 periods. That literally used up my whole battery pack for the morning. So I was totally out when I got to class. Even on duty I couldnt stand properly so I had to lean. Managed to get about 30 minutes of 'sleep' during civics... Some people would be amazed that I could hear every single conversation going on when Jeshan, Li Yen, Shaina, 'The Jamaican', Nicholas and Marn Keon were near my place and talking amongst themselves plus afew other people from the group from Phei Fern's side. I just didnt have enough evergy to care about their conversations... Cause of them I really couldn't get my sleep...
After school, I took the radio to the prefect room and listened to Fly Fm. That managed to wake me up before eating and going for dance practice. So I became hyper during practice but after that, once I had gotten back home I was already half dead...
So right now, I still am very very sleepy...

Did anything bad happen to anyone?

I ask that question because I went really really high in tuition today... And when I get high, Im really high... I laughed for more than 20 minutes non-stop in tuition. I think I freaked alot of people out.
Anyways, when I get high, something bad happens to someone I care for. I didnt know who she/he would be. So I texted about 3-5 people who I thought most probable to have something bad happen to them today. But I didnt text my mom...
I only found out at 11am who and what had happened to the person I care about. The person is my mom. What happened? Her car couldn't start. And she was stuck in her office carpark for more than half an hour cause my stupid dad couldnt hear his phone in the bar... Idiot... Yes, I am calling my dad an idiot. I do it often, but this time I mean it.
You have the right to be dissapointed in me if you thought I was the 'Forever give respect to elders' kind of person. My english is a little problematic today. No idea why. Maybe cause Im really tired. So I wont waste anymore time, and go to sleep. Good night.

Still quite happy

Today was a very happy day. Except for the part that I have a big pile of homework from 3 weeks ago waiting at my desk... But nevermind. Im too happy to be affected by the dread of that pile.
Woke up extra-ordinarily early... For what reason? No idea... Went to school, went up to the podium 2 times. Once to be announced as the new Ass. Discipline Department Director and another to get my GOLD medal back. MUAHAHAHA! That was what made my day. Being able to reunite with my medal that I have worked so hard for over the years.
Was pretty happy until the last 2 periods. Why? Cause Phei Fern was emo-ing... Why would I be affected? Cause I care. Dont take it the wrong way. She's one of my best friends. So of course I care.
Phei Fern... Dont so emo... You have friends who care about you. They are always there for you when you need them. No point in keeping all of it in. Just express it. And don't feel guilty. Im still happy.
So yeah. Conclusion is that Im still really happy. But I sense that something bad is coming my way. Always happens when Im really happy. HAHA! But I will be fine. I will conquer these bad things and go through with life.
To those who feel that there is no longer any reason to live, NEVER GIVE UP! There is always something to live for. Like for the person you love or to make the world a better place.

YES!

YES!!!!!
According to the post before this one, I competed in today's MSSD tournament for Taekwondo.
Allow me to explain a few things first.
1- I started taking Taekwondo lessons since I was 5 years old.
2- I started sparring(competition style fighting) when I was 8.
3- Even though I have been to 3 tournaments while I was in primary school, I have never ever won anything.
4-Even though I have been to 2 tournaments during my secondary school days, I still did not win anything.

And so, today, that chain broke. I finally got my first medal for sparring in Taekwondo. What makes it better is that this medal, is a gold medal. GOLD MEDAL!!!
I was so happy when I had gotten a gold. After 7 years of sparring. I thought to myself:' FINALLY! I knew I didn't waste any of my time training all these years!'
I cried tears of joy, despite the fact that my left foot was amazingly giant due to the swelling. But I was happy. So so happy. I owe it all to every single supporter, senior, instructor and master that has ever supported me or given advice or trained me ever before.
So...
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Someday, I promise, I will repay all of you for what you have done for me. Thank you.

OMG!

OMG!!! Tomorrow is the MSSD Taekwondo competition! Im so dead... I hope whatever I was told tonight at the briefing will stick in my head... I really need to calm down so I can sleep...
I promised Iman, Aiman and Yuen Wei that if I dont come back with anything, I will let them kick me. So I must come back with something this year! MUST! And hopefully I come back safely with no injuries whatsoever.
Wish me luck. Thanks

NOT SO FUN DAY ANYMORE

IM SO SORRY!
Allow me to tell you why I say this.
This Saturday is the MSSD competition for Taekwondo. BUT! On the same day, it is also the day our national football team will play with Manchester United... And now I am in a dilemma because I am supposed to go for both and I have already paid for MSSD but not for the ticket. Just that I really wanna go for the match... Plus I dont know whether the person I am going to the match with will be ok if I dont go or not... ARGH!
SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!!!
Now I realise that I havent really been having that much fun today... First of all, a close friend of mine had a very very sad morning. And all I could do was stand there and watch her as her eyes let out tears... I had to wash 2 toilets(practically alone) after the installation... Which freaking pissed me off because the girls didnt know how to wash their toilet... Then after McD, in Horus, I was losing so badly because I was so noob at the game... Then after that, this happens to me... GOD! Have I not done enough to gain a whole 24 hours straight of pure happiness!?

Por Lyn, forgive me for my idiocy.
Im sorry.

Fun day

The SMK Taman S.E.A. Prefects Installation and Graduation day was today. Fun but tiring. Yet at a certain point, very saddening... Not gonna say why it was saddening. It was fun because I finally got to wear my new name tag that says 'Penolong Pengarah Bahagian Disiplin'. Not only that, it was also fun because I got to perform and spend alot of time with my fellow prefect friends.
We all went to McDonalds at SS2 after the Installation. It's tradition to do so. Wonder when it started though... ANYWAYS! At a certain point, we were stared at by 2 women. Apparently from what I read from their lips was that they were gossiping about us prefects. I was very pissed at them for even thinking about staring. THEY ARE SO RUDE! Just because they were the only ones on the upper floor who weren't SMKTS students... They could have easily went down and had a nice meal but no... They stayed on and stared at us... I felt like shouting at them... Anyways, after McD, I went to Horus/INC, and then walked Por Lyn back to school cause no one else would accompany her, then I went back home. By foot. Exactly why it was so tiring. And so today, I shall not go to Taekwondo training. Even though Master Ben is gonna be teaching tomorrow... Haiz... But nevermind. Im gonna do my work now. So long, good bye.

Embarassed and sorry

Sorry to say, but this will definitely be an emo post... Why? Because of my giant stupid mistake this morning...
This morning was the SMK Taman S.E.A Prefect's Annual General Meeting(AGM). And guess what? Im in charge of all the mics and PA system for the whole event. What's the stupid giant mistake that I made? I was late to the AGM and late to set the mics up by a whole hour... So I was supposed to be there by 7a.m. but I was late and reached at 8.20a.m.? The Honored Guests(Pn. Zakiyah, En. Allen and Pn. Ang) were all waiting for me to set up the mics... Luckily, they were only waiting for about 15-20 minutes... A few very helpful prefects and I managed to set up the mics within 5 minutes which was really really fast... I thank all those who helped me. Im also sorry that I forgot who helped me...
During the AGM, I was in the PA room... I was so scared to show myself infront of everyone... A few certain people were staring at me with that kind of face which says: 'You're a disgrace'. But in the end I managed to gather the bits and pieces of my shattered courage and go to my seat downstage...
After the AGM, we all got together and helped to clean up the place... After keeping the mics and locking up the PA room, I apologised to Pn. Harminder. Immediately after giving her a bow of apology, tears came rushing down. Pn. Harminder had said that she had forgiven me and she told me to stop crying. She also gave me afew hugs. Somehow, hugging her was like hugging my mother. Just that there was a slight difference. That difference is that I knew that she wasnt my mother. But very much like one. After apologising, I went behind the hall to cool down. I was almost about to burst out in tears, but just in time, Por Lyn came to my rescue. She told me to chill and managed to make me laugh. Alot. So I managed to cooldown. For that time only. Then I went up the stage to the boys changing room and took my bag. All of a sudden, more tears came... I cried for about 10 seconds then again, before I totally burst into tears, Por Lyn came. AGAIN! Which was amazing. Again, managing to cool me down, but this time for good, I went off stage and said my goodbyes and went to the weigh-in for MSSD Taekwondo.
While weighing-in, lots of people asked me why I cried... Guess that it was quite obvious. Thanks for caring. BUT! Dont you people know that asking someone why they cried immediately after they finish crying will make them remember it????!!!! Im not scolding anyone. I would just like to advise all those who asked... But Wai Phun was the one to help me during the weigh-in. He told everyone to stop asking.
So I managed to go through the day without crying anymore or punching any walls. OH! You may wonder why I was late... Here's the answer... I DONT KNOW! I was woken up by my sister who was told to do so by Auntie Annie(Estelle's and Danielle's mom). When I did wake up, I checked my phone, apparently it wasnt on silent but the alarm had been off the whole time and I had 8 missed calls. All from Pn. Harminder... After waking up, I rushed to get to school and then then set everything up like what I said just now.
So to end this post, I would like to say...
Im sorry to Pn. Harminder and all the prefects of SMK Taman S.E.A. And also sorry for dissapointing all of you who believed that I could handle it.
Thank you! This thanks goes to all those who helped me to set up the mics.
Last but most definitely not least,THANK YOU! To Pn. Harminder, Por Lyn and Wai Phun. No offence to the Pn. Harminder and Wai Phun, but I wish to give a bigger thank you to Por Lyn.
So... THANK YOU!

Happy Anniversary!

Today was my parent's anniversary... I didnt even know about it until 7.40pm. Which was the time I got back home after playing basketball with some friends.
IM SUCH A BAD SON!
Anyways... I dont know how many years my parents have been married cause my mom refuses to tell me and my dad is asleep... My mom refuses to tell me because she found out that I was blogging about their anniversary.
So... We went for dinner. At urm... I think the name of the restaurant was Golden Dragon or something like that... Freaking expensive! Actually it's cheap for my parents but it was expensive for me cause Im practically broke due to my overspending for food and camps... So yeah... I burnt my toungue while eating because I rushed into the food. Ate 4 bowls of rice in less than 5 minutes. Pro? I dont think so. Couldnt even stand up after eating...
So after eating I had to stay in the restaurant for awhile cause I seriously couldn't stand. My mom and sister had gone to Giant first. So I was texting I think Por Lyn and Chee Seng while waiting to be capable of standing up. LOL!
Then came back home, did some homework, ironed some clothes and then came here to make this post. I will most probably do a similar post around this date next year. Wait for it! HAHAHA

What someone once told me

A great man once told me that I should enjoy life before it's over. That I should never give up until the very end. I will not tell you all who because this is very personal.
I am blogging about this only because I remembered what this great man told me.
So I am finally starting to realise what his words meant. And so to make sure I never forget what he said ever again, I changed my blog title. Not gonna change the url cause I dont want to and also dont know how to. LOL!
So my advice to all of you, love everything you have. If you dont, then you dont deserve to have them. And they leave you one by one. So I hope you all will take this seriously. Cherish life!

Whatever that comes to my mind...

My left foot hurts... Again. But this time even more. Why? Cause Riyal accidentally stepped on it. And after that I had to walk back home... IT HURTS SO BADLY!!! ARGH!
MSSD!!! I am going to go for MSSD!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!XD
Hopefully my injrued foot is ok by then. It's on the 18th so... Next Saturday... Scary yet totally prepared for the fun. HAHA!
I LOVE LIFE! Dont you? I get to meet so many people. Share so many things! I just wish that it would never end. BUT! If life never ends then there would be no point to life. Because if we dont die, we will not be able to go forth to a better place. But what I am scared of is that I will go to hell for the sins I have commited...

So live life to the full! And cherish your friends and family. Dont always study. Im not discouraging you to study, Im just saying that you shouldn't use all your time studying. Have some fun in between.

How anger affects me

I am currently angry due to my stupidity today... Pissing off someone I really care about and possibly hurting that someone is very painful to my heart... So to take care of this feeling, I get angry with myself. How this anger affected me, you may ask.

1. My heart pumped so hard because of my anger until it was like my whole world was shaking.
2. My rib muscles got even more cramped up due to the anger.
3. Almost ended up in the hospital 3 times. Due to not paying attention while crossing roads.
4. Hurting my own knuckles from punching walls till they bleed.

I advise everyone who is angry at themselves to pay attention to whatever you are doing to avoid accidents and also to not punch walls. Not that I regret doing so, just that sometimes you aren't worth all that pain.

Gomenasai

ic The title of this post means 'Im sorry'.
Long story-short. I made one of my best friends very angry at me... Even though I know that she would react that way... I still did it... Why? Cause Im the biggest idiot on Earth... Im sorry, Jo Yee. Please forgive me. I know I am very stupid and childish. Hopefully I have learned my lesson.
I also need to apologise to another best friend of mine for having to try her best to cheer Jo Yee up. Im sorry, Iman. You of all people should understand how I feel now... And thank you as well. For talking to me about it just now.

Im sorry.

Sleepy...

Very sleepy today... Cause I slept at 2.00am? I was talking to a friend of mine until about 12.4oa.m. I think... But that's not the reason... Lately I haven't been able to sleep immediately after eating... So Im forced to not eat when Im hungry in the middle of the night... Which sucks... So I ate at 12am and then went back to my room and still talking to my friend via text messages. I wonder what would my other friends say if I told them who I was talking to last night until 12.40am... Well, at 12.40am, my friend didnt reply me at all... So I guessed that she had fallen asleep and didnt hear her phone. LOL!
So I was stuck trying to sleep for about 1 hour and 20 minutes... Suddenly at 5.15am I woke up because I thought I heard movements in the kitchen. When I went out of my room, I was already ready to kill any 'intruders'... Turns out the noise was made by my sister who was looking for food... LOL!
That's all about my day for now...

BOWLING AT TIMES SQUARE

Yasmin, Aliah, Gavin and I broke off from the rest and went bowling at the alley in Times Square. IT WAS SO FUN! Even though my feet were in an even worse condition than before I played... But it was all worth it. HAHAHA! The only problem was the price was killer expensive! 16 RINGGIT JUST FOR ONE LANE AND 2 GAMES!!! CRAZY PEOPLE! LOL!
But it doesnt matter. What's done is done.
In the first game, I lost to everyone with only 57 points? Which sucks... Then during the second game I managed to find an ideal weight for my ball as 10 was clearly too light for me. So I did much better than the first game. I even managed to beat Gavin! Which was a first for me. HAHA! I got 3rd with 86 for the second game. But I still lost to Aliah... Either she is really lucky or she is just about as pro as Yasmin but hiding her abilities... GRRR!
During the second game, Ashikin and Aiman came back to us. And so we left the stupid expensive alley after we finished playing. We travelled via monorail then LRT. On the LRT, Gavin, Aiman, Ashikin and I were doing such childish yet fun things. Or rather 'thing'. What we did was, at every stop we would run out the LRT, touch the opposite handle/railing and then run back in. The first time shocked me because Aiman did it twice. He just barely managed. His face was very funny as he ran back in. HAHA!
Then Yasmin and Aiman got off at Taman Paramount and Ashikin, Gavin and I got off at Taman Bahagia... I could have gone home with Gavin but I didnt because Ashikin's dad had not arrived yet... Sadly, only a minute after Gavin left, Ashikin's dad came and picked her up. She offered to ask her dad whether he could send me home but I rejected the offer because of all the stories I have heard about her dad from Arshad... And so I took a cab home. When I got home I came to the com and started blogging.

That's about it for today. Hopefully the amount I have of posts that I have posted today is enough to earn forgivness for not blogging the past 2 days.


SO FUN!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! XD

SMKTS PREFECT'S HI-TEA!

HI-TEA WAS SO FUN! THE FOOD WAS GREAT TOO!!!
LOL! Seriously, the food was amazing. Though the food and the toilets weren't as good as last year, but it was definitely more fun. I think it's cause Im closer to the current outgoing prefects than last year's... I LOVE ALL OF THEM! HAHA!
We got to see 2 fashion shows while we were there... One was while we were eating and was organized by the hotel. The other was done by the prefects! OMG RIGHT??!! Danielle, Jeshua, Por Lyn, Pn. Harminder, Thanesh, Zhao Yang, Jit Sun, Cherissa, Raynee, and some other seniors were the models. IT WAS SO FUNNY! I wanted to be a model too... But I refused to do it without a male partner so I could act gay... After that, I took some pictures with Por Lyn, Danielle, the rest of the form 3s and the Discipline Department people(inclduing the old and new members of the department). Seriously fun!
After that we said our goodbyes and parted ways. So some of the form 3s and I went to Times Square. These form 3s were-Ashikin, Yasmin, Kavitta, Poh Yee, Jeanne, Aliah, Chow Xin, Aiman, Joon Wai and me.

NEXT POST!

Taekwondo Performance-Librarian's Installation

I performed this morning for during the Librarian's Installation. I think Ken Yoong and Monica saw it... Not sure about other people that I know personally though... I performed with both my feet injured... Pro right??? My feet got injured yesterday while I was playing basketball barefooted... I know, Im stupid... Rub it in my face... LOL! My left foot banged into a friend's shoe and bent the wrong way as I landed from jumping to get a rebound... And so my left foot was bruised and swollen... My right foot got a really bad blister too... What made it worse was, the dead skin from the blister burst and broke off about 5 minutes after getting the blister... So I went back home and cut the balance of the dead skin off...
But this morning's performance went surprisingly well compared to the rehearsals and also considering my problematic feet... HAHA! And so after performing, Gavin and I left immediately to Pan Pacific Hotel for our prefect's hi-tea.

NEXT POST!

So much to blog about today...

There's so much to blog about today!!! But first of all, I wish to apologise to everyone for not updating my blog for the past 2 days... Im sorry, I wasn't free... And so... Back to today... I shall about today in 3 other posts. Wait for it! HAHAHA

My lucky day!

Seriously, Im not joking... Today was full of luck... But actually no luck... More of like good things. Hopefully I have already paid the price for all the good stuff that happened today.
It all started this morning, I got the chance to skip class to the max! I loved duty for the first time in 16 months! That's one year and 4 months. Why did I love duty? No idea... Dont care either.
Then, we went to Ming Tian at Taman Megah and then to the Taekwondo Academy. And so we practiced for the performance there. Guess what? Eeveryone there was so helpful until we could get the fight scene done properly! THANKS EVERYONE! What's even better, we didnt ask rely on Wai Phun to choreograph that fight too! Not that letting him choreograph is a bad thing... It's just that we have troubled him enough...
When practice ended at 4pm, I realised that I was late to get back home. And so Roy, Li Hui and I walked to school. BUT! On the way, Yun Lynn's mom suddenly drove by and offered to send us home. So when I got home, I was really happy already.
EVEN BETTER! When I got home, I saw that the dishes that were waiting for me to wash this morning were all clean! I thought: THANK YOU!!!!
But of course I still dont know who was the one who washed those dishes...

So......................................................
T
H
A
N
K

Y
O
U

TIRED!

Today the whole row of shoplots which are the same row as EDUSmart had a blackout. Due to that, WE DIDNT HAVE TUITION!!!! WEEEEEEEE!!!
But because of that, Jo Yee and Iman had to walk to Iman's house... So I had to follow them cause I would never feel the end of my guilt if anything ever happened to them on the way back... So I walked them to Iman's place and then walked back to the field near Gavin's house and played basketball. BAREFOOTED!!!! Hurt alot especially since I was kicked alot of times by Darryl... OUCH! My ankle is bruised... Is that possible?
ANYWAYS! Im so tired after the game... Didnt attend my private tuition and so I gave my sister all the attention from the teacher. YAY! lol...
So hyper now? No idea why though...
That's all for now...

Today

I finally asked her! Whether she even has feelings for me or not. I could not let go because of the way she talked to me on a normal basis. Something just kept drawing me in without knowing it... And because she never told me that she didnt have feelings for me anymore, I didnt know what to do. BUT! NOW I AM FREE! I can let her go in peace now. Cause her answer was of course no. OMG... I make it sound like she was torturing me the whole time... But she wasnt... Cause I was tortuting myself.

Hope you have a happy life from now on... Dont always be depressed. It's not good in the long run. Seriously...

OUCH!

ZZZZZ..... Lately I've been very sensitive to what people say to me or even about me... Even a simple sentence that addresses me as 'shit' gets to me very easily... I dont know when this sensitivity started... All I know is that everything people say to me has a very very very big potential to hurt me... As if I got stabbed in the heart... ARGH! Now I wish I was emotionless... So that I cant be hurt by anyone at all. Damn it... Stupid heart...



Why do I even have one when I dont want it?

GUILT AND CONFUSION!

DAMN! Im emo again... Sucks right? Simple happiness for only 2 days... Then suddenly I feel so freaking emo cause of the guilt and confusion in my life... And I cant explain it cause I dont want everyone to know... Sorry... I just have a problem... Hopefully everyone can forgive me... That's all for now. Bye...

Feeling guilty

Today I feel emo... Cause I feel lots of guilt...
Want explanations as to why I feel so much guilt? I talked to one of my friend's boyfriend or ex-boyfriend for the first time. Not very sure of the situation... But that's according to him lar... Apparently just talking to someone who is your friends lover can destroy the whole relationship? I hope she isnt angry because of him... Better if she was angry at me... But I think it was a misunderstanding. Just that I didnt have enough time to find out what was wrong nor could I explain anything... Hopefully they are both ok, now that I also treat him as a friend.

I also feel guilt because I could not help a friend of mine when she was feeling sad even though she was siting right next to me... I think I tried but Im not sure... She told me that she feels better. But hopefully she doesnt go emo again. I hate it when I see my friends are in sadness or lonliness but I cant do a single thing about it...

I also feel guilty because I think I hurt a senior of mine who I think of as an elder brother... He made a post purposely to help me cheer up. Yet I complained about his english... Im such a bad junior/brother... SORRY! I suck, dont I?

Im sorry to those friends of mine. I know that I cant be of much help and that I always make things go wrong. But if at any time you feel lonely and or need help you can always call me. Im sure you all have my number. Plus, I dont mind walking to anyone's house if they really need the help. Im always there for you. Only if you want or need me there, that is.

To anyone who is worrying about me, DONT! I will be fine. People who really know me will know that I will be ok.

Life is so so confusing

Injured...

I injured my right leg. Actually not the whole leg lar.
The parts that are injured are as follows: the thigh, the 2 toes that are after the big toe.
How did I injure them? Well, my thigh is injured because of Amelia who kicked me on that spot yesterday when we were at the Academy to clean up tents... If you dont know who is Amelia, she's Jason's older sister. She kicked me for a reason that I am scared to say. If I did, she would kill me... So anyone who knows, keep it a secret.
My toes got injured because I kicked Jason at the hip with my toes by accident while doing a turning kick. Why did I do a turning kick in school? Cause I was practicing a part of our Taekwondo sketch/performance.
Lately my right leg is getting injured easily. Maybe Im kicking wrongly... Sir Felix! Sir Keith! Teach me whether I am wrong when I am kicking please! When I make a mistake, please just whack me. BTW, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS STATEMENT! (Not too hard lar ok?) LOL

I have to run tomorrow for 4x100m... I wonder if my right leg can recouperate by then... Hopefully lar. WISH ME LUCK!
That's all for today. Thanks for taking the time to read. BYE

Feeling a little pissed and guilty...

Im a little pissed at the fact where I was told that the Interact Installation dance was canceled and suddenly put back on track... I told so many of your dancers! Bringing their hopes up that they dont need to dance and rush to practice... All just to crush their hopes... Im so evil... That's why I feel guilty. Im sorry to all of you who I told about the dance being canceled... I wish I could redo today... But regretting is pointless. So all I can say is... IM SORRY. And then hopefully get all of your forgivness.
That's all for today. Hope all of you are feeling fine. Especially you... Have a good day/night. Bye

Feeling much better

I feel better now. 1st time I didnt have to fake a smile in 3 days or so. Weird right? So all my friends who saw me smiling due to a funny matter before today, they were all fake. But it doesnt matter anymore. Because I feel better. I dont feel anger anymore, maybe a little bit of pain, but much better.
'Why?' you may ask. Because I had a very very cool dream in between 5.50am and 6.30 am. How do I know that? Because my alarm went off at 5.50am and I turned it off and I woke up at 6.30am. The dream had only come to me after I had turned off my alarm. I woke up from that dream. If you really really want to know, ask me about it. And I'll see if I should tell you or not. Cause to me, it's cool but to others I think weird is the word that will come to your mind.
If you asked me if I am over her, the answer is no. Cause I know that I still love her. But I am over the break up. Thanks to that dream. THANK YOU, BRAIN! FOR GIVING ME THAT GREAT DREAM THAT BROUGHT ME BACK!
So from today onwards, if you see me emo-ing, it's definitely not about the break up.... LOL.
JOKING! You most probably wont see me emo.
That's all for today. Thank you for reading.

I wish I was emotionless...

As you can see from the title, I wish I was emotionless...
Why? You may ask...
It's because I can't do anything about the pain and the anger... I dont feel so much of the pain anymore... I feel more of the anger. I thought I would be ready to see her face but it stung a little when I saw her the first time today... Then after that it was ok... Yin Ling, Rachel and Roze-Nn kept asking me:'Why?'..... When clearly I wasn't ready to talk about it... Luckily Rachel was observant and kind to stop asking after her first attempt... Then Yin Ling stopped after BM... But Roze-Nn... She just wouldn't stop asking... And every single time she asked, I felt the pain...

And so... In conclusion, I wish i was emotionless... Because if I were, I wouldn't be able to feel anything... No pain, no anger, no happiness, no mercy, no love, nothing! Just like a robot that serves his master... Forever loyal due to the lack of artificial intellegence.

Word of advice for my beloved... Please dont worry about me. Worry for yourself before you worry for anyone else. Just remember that I am always around if you need help, no matter what you need, Im sure I'll be able to give it.

To all of my friends,
If at anytime you were to need help and you need to talk to someone, you may call me. I am always by my phone. And Im a very very light sleeper. So even if you call or sms me at 4am I will wake up... Best that you call... (For precautions) That's all. Thank you for reading. Goodbye for now.

UNTITLED

I had no idea how to name this post so I left it as Untitled.... Cool right? NOT.... =.=
I think I feel better now... But Im so not over her. Because I really really love her. Hopefully she hasn't forgotten that. I dont know what to do now... Cause I can't drink to overcome my sadness neither can I kill myself cause Im not that pathetic... Someone tell me what to do? I dont know what I should feel either.... Sadness and anger is what Im already feeling... Should I be feeling this? Please, someone give me an answer... Anyone....

The pain of watching a movie while my heart is in pain

Well the story is today I went to watch a movie with some of my Taekwondo friends. They were-Kok Keong, Amelia, Justin, Beh, Wai Phun, Gavin, Yi Chin, Yen Lin and myself. We watched 17 Again. Because I watched the movie for the second time, it wasn't so funny. But I laughed more because the first time I watched it, I watched it alone.... According to my title for this post, you can see that the movie was painful for me to watch. This is because certain sad scenes got to me because I was already sad in the first place... That actually made me cry in the cinema for the first time in my life... Hopefully nobody saw me... But I know KK did... Nevermind.

You should see how many messages I have in my phone that says: ' Hey, are you ok? How are you feeling?'. Frankly speaking, it was nice to know that my friends care so much about me. It was very very very comforting. But I'm so sorry that I couldnt reply to most of you because my remaining credit was RM0.16. So I could only answer the only person who sms'd me and was on my Active 10's list-Ashikin. But it's ok. Im sure you guys can forgive me right? Please do. Im sorry for not replying.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THINKING ABOUT ME! I appreciate it.
That's all. Im off to sleep now. Good night.

It's over...

As you can see, IT'S over... To those who know, please dont say anything...
She couldn't accept me for who I am and not at the same time. And so we broke up. It hurt me. ALOT. But it is my fault because I could not change myself to fit her preference. I feel so sad... Does anyone understand how it feels like to always manage to get into a relationship but always be the one to get dumped? I dont think so... I want to get drunk... BUT! I have made a promise to 2 very important people in my life that I wouldn't get drunk ever again... So I'll keep that promise.


OH, THE ANGER TOWARDS MYSELF!
OH, THE PAIN!
IT HURTS TOO MUCH!
If any Taekwondo Club members from my school dont see me tomorrow, Im most probably dead already...


Good bye, oh painful and meaningless life.

TIRED!

Today was so freaking tiring... I slept at 12.30am this morning. And I managed to get up because I purposely put my phone far enough for me to have to get up and turn off the alarm which would definitely insure me awaking from my slumber.
Then I went to school like normal and had classes.... At 11.50a.m. Yuen Wei, Jeanne and I were called out for a meeting. The meeting called to give a briefing about our Prefect's Installation and who is in the Installation Comittee. Im in charge of getting the PA.... Sucks much... Hopefully it's easy...
THEN, after school I went to Jason's house, had lunch, went to Jon Zhen's place to play badminton, had fun while playing, swam in the pool at JZ's condominium with Jason, Tiek Yi and Jon Zhen himself, had even more fun while we were in the pool and then went back home extremely tired...(Fun meaning actual fun. For those who are thinking sick, please change your way of thinking.)
Im so tired until I dont wanna do my homework anymore and I also dont wanna go to school tomorrow... BUT! Someone important to me is going to tell me something that could very well end my life tomorrow. So I have to go. I believe that is all. Have a good day/night. Goodbye.

Up and Up, by Relient K

This song is so nice! I got it from Ashikin during the holidays. It makes me feel really really happy. Unfortunately, I dont know how to add a music player on my blog... So go download it! Here are the lyrics...


Yesterday,
Is not quite what it could have been,
As were most of all the days before.
But I swear today,
With every breathe Im taking in,
I'll be trying to make it so much more.

Cause it seems i get so hung up on,
The history of what's gone wrong,
And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see *hard to see*
But Im finally catching onto it,
And yeah the past is just a conduit,
And the light there at the end is where I'll be.

=Chorus=
Cause Im on the up and up,
Im on the up and up,
And I havent given up,
Given up on what,
I know Im capable of.
Yeah Im on the up and up,
Yeah there's nothing left to prove,
Cause im just trying to be a better version of me for you,
A better version of me for you.

To be prosperous,
Would not require much of me,
You see contentment is the one thing it entails.
To content with where I am,
And getting where I need to be,
Im moving past the past where I have failed.

But Im finally catching onto it,
And yeah the past is just a conduit,
And the light there at the end is where I'll be.

*CHORUS*

You never cease to supply
Me with what I need to live a good life.
So when Im down I'll hold my head up high.
Cause you're the reason why...

*CHORUS*