Feeling guilty #2

This post is entitled '#2' because I have made a post with a similar title before. lol...
Well, today I feel depressed, guilty and thankful. I will go to guilty and thankful first.
I wanted to skip school today but my parents told me yesterday that either I skip today or I skip tomorrow. So naturally I chose tomorrow to skip school. Realizing that nobody was coming to school today, I called Phei Fern to come to school. She wasn't so co-operative at first, but she said yes in the end. She asked Rachel to come and so she came too... Only 6 people came to class today... So it was really boring. I feel guilty because I called Phei Fern to come to school and therefore causing her depression today. Thankful because she was willing to come and accompany me.
Now, to the part where I feel depressed. I feel depressed because... Nevermind. I think I'll leave that part out of this. Just know that I am depressed. Good enough.

I need you here with me right now,

But I dont want you here,

Because that would just stab the knife deeper into my heart.

Patience...

I need to be patient with everything now. Im so pissed that I can't go to train for the next 2 weeks. My parents won't let me out till PMR is over...
I almost burst at a very sensitive friend a few minutes before making this post because of the not being able to train thing... I wanna kill someone.
I need to release some anger and I dont want to punch walls over such a thing. So IM GONNA BURST RIGHT NOW!
DO You BLOODY KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE DONE FOR YOU??!! YET WHEN I ASK FOR A SMALL THING IN RETURN, YOU COMPLAIN AND HURT ME AT THE SAME TIME? ARGH!

AND YOU! CANT YOU SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TORTURE ME EVERY SINGLE DAY IN SCHOOL???!!! PLEASE TAKE MY BLOODY HINTS ALREADY! I WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH A.S.AP.! YOU MAKE ME SO PISSED AT THE GUY TILL I PUNCH WALLS AND MAKE ME SO BLOODY SAD BECAUSE OF SO MANY REASONS! THE MAIN REASON IS!

Im madly in love with you. Please realise it. I cant tell you now for certain reasons. If you can find out before my planned date, it would make it a whole lot easier for me.

PLEASE! GOD DAMN IT! REALISE IT NOW!

I F*^K&*G HATE YOU, BLOODY PMR!!!

What's wrong with me?

I realise that I can't study in almost any given condition or environment but I don't know why. This made me very very pissed at myself. I almost blew up at afew people. That comes to show that I can be very patient with other people but I can't be patient with myself. It's stupid isn't it? It should be the other way around.

You treat me just like another stranger,

Well it's nice to meet you, Sir.

Well I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend!

Sometimes I wish I could sing that to so many people. Including HER. Well, I must be really pissed today. I fell in love with that song today even though I didn't really like it before. I've been listening to it tons of times today and I can already get the lyrics. : )

But then again, Im still pissed.

Sometimes I wonder why I fell for you.

Must there be a reason to love?

I know that a reason is unnecessary,

but I still wonder why.

I need to learn how to neglect emotions.

Example:Love, fear, sadness, anger, pain.

Then again, I should love.

So maybe I can learn to control the emotion.

I should. Dont you think so too?