GUILT AND CONFUSION!

DAMN! Im emo again... Sucks right? Simple happiness for only 2 days... Then suddenly I feel so freaking emo cause of the guilt and confusion in my life... And I cant explain it cause I dont want everyone to know... Sorry... I just have a problem... Hopefully everyone can forgive me... That's all for now. Bye...

Feeling guilty

Today I feel emo... Cause I feel lots of guilt...
Want explanations as to why I feel so much guilt? I talked to one of my friend's boyfriend or ex-boyfriend for the first time. Not very sure of the situation... But that's according to him lar... Apparently just talking to someone who is your friends lover can destroy the whole relationship? I hope she isnt angry because of him... Better if she was angry at me... But I think it was a misunderstanding. Just that I didnt have enough time to find out what was wrong nor could I explain anything... Hopefully they are both ok, now that I also treat him as a friend.

I also feel guilt because I could not help a friend of mine when she was feeling sad even though she was siting right next to me... I think I tried but Im not sure... She told me that she feels better. But hopefully she doesnt go emo again. I hate it when I see my friends are in sadness or lonliness but I cant do a single thing about it...

I also feel guilty because I think I hurt a senior of mine who I think of as an elder brother... He made a post purposely to help me cheer up. Yet I complained about his english... Im such a bad junior/brother... SORRY! I suck, dont I?

Im sorry to those friends of mine. I know that I cant be of much help and that I always make things go wrong. But if at any time you feel lonely and or need help you can always call me. Im sure you all have my number. Plus, I dont mind walking to anyone's house if they really need the help. Im always there for you. Only if you want or need me there, that is.

To anyone who is worrying about me, DONT! I will be fine. People who really know me will know that I will be ok.

Life is so so confusing

Injured...

I injured my right leg. Actually not the whole leg lar.
The parts that are injured are as follows: the thigh, the 2 toes that are after the big toe.
How did I injure them? Well, my thigh is injured because of Amelia who kicked me on that spot yesterday when we were at the Academy to clean up tents... If you dont know who is Amelia, she's Jason's older sister. She kicked me for a reason that I am scared to say. If I did, she would kill me... So anyone who knows, keep it a secret.
My toes got injured because I kicked Jason at the hip with my toes by accident while doing a turning kick. Why did I do a turning kick in school? Cause I was practicing a part of our Taekwondo sketch/performance.
Lately my right leg is getting injured easily. Maybe Im kicking wrongly... Sir Felix! Sir Keith! Teach me whether I am wrong when I am kicking please! When I make a mistake, please just whack me. BTW, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS STATEMENT! (Not too hard lar ok?) LOL

I have to run tomorrow for 4x100m... I wonder if my right leg can recouperate by then... Hopefully lar. WISH ME LUCK!
That's all for today. Thanks for taking the time to read. BYE

Feeling a little pissed and guilty...

Im a little pissed at the fact where I was told that the Interact Installation dance was canceled and suddenly put back on track... I told so many of your dancers! Bringing their hopes up that they dont need to dance and rush to practice... All just to crush their hopes... Im so evil... That's why I feel guilty. Im sorry to all of you who I told about the dance being canceled... I wish I could redo today... But regretting is pointless. So all I can say is... IM SORRY. And then hopefully get all of your forgivness.
That's all for today. Hope all of you are feeling fine. Especially you... Have a good day/night. Bye

Feeling much better

I feel better now. 1st time I didnt have to fake a smile in 3 days or so. Weird right? So all my friends who saw me smiling due to a funny matter before today, they were all fake. But it doesnt matter anymore. Because I feel better. I dont feel anger anymore, maybe a little bit of pain, but much better.
'Why?' you may ask. Because I had a very very cool dream in between 5.50am and 6.30 am. How do I know that? Because my alarm went off at 5.50am and I turned it off and I woke up at 6.30am. The dream had only come to me after I had turned off my alarm. I woke up from that dream. If you really really want to know, ask me about it. And I'll see if I should tell you or not. Cause to me, it's cool but to others I think weird is the word that will come to your mind.
If you asked me if I am over her, the answer is no. Cause I know that I still love her. But I am over the break up. Thanks to that dream. THANK YOU, BRAIN! FOR GIVING ME THAT GREAT DREAM THAT BROUGHT ME BACK!
So from today onwards, if you see me emo-ing, it's definitely not about the break up.... LOL.
JOKING! You most probably wont see me emo.
That's all for today. Thank you for reading.

I wish I was emotionless...

As you can see from the title, I wish I was emotionless...
Why? You may ask...
It's because I can't do anything about the pain and the anger... I dont feel so much of the pain anymore... I feel more of the anger. I thought I would be ready to see her face but it stung a little when I saw her the first time today... Then after that it was ok... Yin Ling, Rachel and Roze-Nn kept asking me:'Why?'..... When clearly I wasn't ready to talk about it... Luckily Rachel was observant and kind to stop asking after her first attempt... Then Yin Ling stopped after BM... But Roze-Nn... She just wouldn't stop asking... And every single time she asked, I felt the pain...

And so... In conclusion, I wish i was emotionless... Because if I were, I wouldn't be able to feel anything... No pain, no anger, no happiness, no mercy, no love, nothing! Just like a robot that serves his master... Forever loyal due to the lack of artificial intellegence.

Word of advice for my beloved... Please dont worry about me. Worry for yourself before you worry for anyone else. Just remember that I am always around if you need help, no matter what you need, Im sure I'll be able to give it.

To all of my friends,
If at anytime you were to need help and you need to talk to someone, you may call me. I am always by my phone. And Im a very very light sleeper. So even if you call or sms me at 4am I will wake up... Best that you call... (For precautions) That's all. Thank you for reading. Goodbye for now.

UNTITLED

I had no idea how to name this post so I left it as Untitled.... Cool right? NOT.... =.=
I think I feel better now... But Im so not over her. Because I really really love her. Hopefully she hasn't forgotten that. I dont know what to do now... Cause I can't drink to overcome my sadness neither can I kill myself cause Im not that pathetic... Someone tell me what to do? I dont know what I should feel either.... Sadness and anger is what Im already feeling... Should I be feeling this? Please, someone give me an answer... Anyone....

The pain of watching a movie while my heart is in pain

Well the story is today I went to watch a movie with some of my Taekwondo friends. They were-Kok Keong, Amelia, Justin, Beh, Wai Phun, Gavin, Yi Chin, Yen Lin and myself. We watched 17 Again. Because I watched the movie for the second time, it wasn't so funny. But I laughed more because the first time I watched it, I watched it alone.... According to my title for this post, you can see that the movie was painful for me to watch. This is because certain sad scenes got to me because I was already sad in the first place... That actually made me cry in the cinema for the first time in my life... Hopefully nobody saw me... But I know KK did... Nevermind.

You should see how many messages I have in my phone that says: ' Hey, are you ok? How are you feeling?'. Frankly speaking, it was nice to know that my friends care so much about me. It was very very very comforting. But I'm so sorry that I couldnt reply to most of you because my remaining credit was RM0.16. So I could only answer the only person who sms'd me and was on my Active 10's list-Ashikin. But it's ok. Im sure you guys can forgive me right? Please do. Im sorry for not replying.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THINKING ABOUT ME! I appreciate it.
That's all. Im off to sleep now. Good night.