Forgive me for everything tonight

I ask for forgiveness from Ken Yoong, Kevin and especially Phei Fern. Im sorry for worrying all of you. I can't explain myself to any of you for what I did. Trust me, I knew that you would all be worried and I would regret worrying all of you, but I needed the time to myself. I hope you can all understand that I need to be by myself at random times. Im sorry.

Guilt

I feel guilt. Not gonna say why. That's all for now.
Damn lazy to blog. Sorry.

Thanks and sorry

This post is dedicated to a very dear friend of mine- Chong Phei Fern.
On Friday night, I was really bummed out for I can't remember what reason anymore. So I texted Phei Fern to talk about it because she was the only one I could think of who would still be awake at 1 a.m.? I would like to thank her because she took the time to put up with my stupid whining and actually stay up for me for the whole night! THAT'S RIGHT! THE WHOLE NIGHT! I accidentally cried myself to sleep at about 2 a.m. and I feel my phone vibrate even though it was right next to my head... I woke up at about 7 a.m. checking my phone and finding myself reading a message that said: 'I won't sleep until you reply me!'... At first I thought 'No way she would stay up that long... Even I can't do that...' So I texted her in reply to that message and she replied me immediately! I called her immediately after that to say sorry and so the conversation continued from there...
So yeah...
Thank you so much, Phei Fern. And Im so sorry.

I told her about how I feel for her via phone call on Friday night via phone call. No point hiding it anymore since I could tell that she already figured it out herself. I dont think Im sad about it. She was very normal with it. Im trying not to be sad about it. So most of you should not worry. So chill. Im fine. ^^

Feeling guilty #2

This post is entitled '#2' because I have made a post with a similar title before. lol...
Well, today I feel depressed, guilty and thankful. I will go to guilty and thankful first.
I wanted to skip school today but my parents told me yesterday that either I skip today or I skip tomorrow. So naturally I chose tomorrow to skip school. Realizing that nobody was coming to school today, I called Phei Fern to come to school. She wasn't so co-operative at first, but she said yes in the end. She asked Rachel to come and so she came too... Only 6 people came to class today... So it was really boring. I feel guilty because I called Phei Fern to come to school and therefore causing her depression today. Thankful because she was willing to come and accompany me.
Now, to the part where I feel depressed. I feel depressed because... Nevermind. I think I'll leave that part out of this. Just know that I am depressed. Good enough.

I need you here with me right now,

But I dont want you here,

Because that would just stab the knife deeper into my heart.

Patience...

I need to be patient with everything now. Im so pissed that I can't go to train for the next 2 weeks. My parents won't let me out till PMR is over...
I almost burst at a very sensitive friend a few minutes before making this post because of the not being able to train thing... I wanna kill someone.
I need to release some anger and I dont want to punch walls over such a thing. So IM GONNA BURST RIGHT NOW!
DO You BLOODY KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE DONE FOR YOU??!! YET WHEN I ASK FOR A SMALL THING IN RETURN, YOU COMPLAIN AND HURT ME AT THE SAME TIME? ARGH!

AND YOU! CANT YOU SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TORTURE ME EVERY SINGLE DAY IN SCHOOL???!!! PLEASE TAKE MY BLOODY HINTS ALREADY! I WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH A.S.AP.! YOU MAKE ME SO PISSED AT THE GUY TILL I PUNCH WALLS AND MAKE ME SO BLOODY SAD BECAUSE OF SO MANY REASONS! THE MAIN REASON IS!

Im madly in love with you. Please realise it. I cant tell you now for certain reasons. If you can find out before my planned date, it would make it a whole lot easier for me.

PLEASE! GOD DAMN IT! REALISE IT NOW!

I F*^K&*G HATE YOU, BLOODY PMR!!!

What's wrong with me?

I realise that I can't study in almost any given condition or environment but I don't know why. This made me very very pissed at myself. I almost blew up at afew people. That comes to show that I can be very patient with other people but I can't be patient with myself. It's stupid isn't it? It should be the other way around.

You treat me just like another stranger,

Well it's nice to meet you, Sir.

Well I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend!

Sometimes I wish I could sing that to so many people. Including HER. Well, I must be really pissed today. I fell in love with that song today even though I didn't really like it before. I've been listening to it tons of times today and I can already get the lyrics. : )

But then again, Im still pissed.

Sometimes I wonder why I fell for you.

Must there be a reason to love?

I know that a reason is unnecessary,

but I still wonder why.

I need to learn how to neglect emotions.

Example:Love, fear, sadness, anger, pain.

Then again, I should love.

So maybe I can learn to control the emotion.

I should. Dont you think so too?