Empty

Lately I have been feeling empty. It's been more than a year since I felt this kind of empty. And yes, feeling empty can be classified into different kinds of empty. Mine is the type where I feel like I dont have anything. It's like I have no one that I can rely on anymore... Why do I feel that way? No idea... Do I think the same way as I feel? No. Because Im very sure there will always be someone I can rely on when I need help. So I have no worries. Just wanted to share it.

Tired from everything today...

This is gonna be a slightly emo post...
So today was Taekwondo AGM and Interact Installation and I was in charge of the PA system again along with Dominic and Siew Meng. I never wanna do PA ever again if I have to do that crap...
So let me explain, I am tired today. Started 1st of August by sleeping at 3a.m. This was due to my obsessive reading of comics. Then I woke up at 7.00a.m. Did what most NORMAL people do after waking up, and then went to school. Had Taekwondo practice. Found out that Wai Phun wasnt gonna be around to conduct the grading for the blue belts next week. So Master Ben got me to replace Wai Phun... Which sucks... Cause I have done for blue belts before during the last grading... So unfair... Then during the AGM part of the training today, I was promoted from Ass. Secretary to Vice President along side Jason Chen. That was the surprising part. This year we have 2 vice presidents. BUT! There's a catch to it. One of use will be eliminated by Pn. Zurina if she find any one of use not doing well enough. So yeah...

Now to the installation. The installation was killer tiring. Why? Cause Gavin Neo didnt do a good job getting his other stage management people to get all the mics and stuff ready... So I had to give the orders or do it myself. And when the it was time for the performances, I had to run back down to the sound mixer and adjust the mic volume and the music volume... So I was practically doing work the whole time. So yea... It was tiring. Wanna know the worst part? I did the just as much as Siew Meng, but he's the one who get's the thanks. Dominic and I didnt get a single shit from anyone! I was so freaking pissed. Still am though. Just that I didnt show it to anyone until now. I just dont get it, is saying a simple 'thank you' so hard? I hope the truth to why no one thanked Dom and I was because they didnt know what we did instead of thanking Siew Meng only just because he's in the BOD... If that was the case, Im so gonna fight for the top post next year... JOKING! Though I am interested... NVM! Back to topic.
After Installation, I helped to clean up for awhile and then left early with a bunch of friends to go to MCD. There, I had a choco top and a choco sundae. Then we all had Spite. Iain, Ken Yoong, Gavin, Chee Seng and I played this game with Iain's Sprite. This game's rule was very very simple. All we had to do was drink up as much of it as possible. BUT! When everyone agrees that the cup is empty of the liquid, the one who last put his straw in would be the one to refill it. It was fun because everyone would rush to take as much as possible and then just finish it in less than half a minute. So I had an extreme sugar rush. Still having it.
So I had lots of fun but traded it for lots of stress this morning.

How lucky I am to find someone who can understand on my first try.

The other P understood. I feel very lucky to be able to have a friend to understand immediately after telling it the first time.

Was really pissed today cause there was some family problem. So to prevent myself from going berserk, I didnt talk to anyone and slept the whole day after recess... I wish to give my sincere apologies to all those who were ignored by me during the time after recess. Esepecially Shaina who was sitting beside me the whole time. I was supposed to talk to her during the Seni but I didnt because I slept... Im so evil... Feeling so guilty. Im sorry everyone.

And to the other P, hopefully you read this(though you have never read my blog before), you do not need to worry about me. I can control. And never look at me as if I was dying ever again. That look on your face is very very saddening. Cause you seem so so sad when you give that face... And frankly, it's scary... So dont show it ever again. Hopefully you read this blog... And this post too.

What to do? Who to turn to?

I need to tell someone soon before I go berserk... But who to turn to??? Everyone will misunderstand... Cant turn to I, A, J, P, G, F, K, J1, Y... Dont want to turn to KK cause I've troubled him more than enough already...
Maybe I should go to the other P... I think she would get it... Cause she's more understanding than everyone thinks she is... Somehow better than A... Lol... Hopefully you all dont dont who I am talking about... To those who know and they are in this list, Im sorry. But I cant tell you because you wouldnt be able to understand. Past experiences would show this...

When I think you all are capable of understanding, I will tell you. Im not looking down on you. Im just scared that it will kill our relationships. Sorry.

I forgot...

I forgot to make a post when I started blogging today... Ok.
Yesterday night I made the most satisfying sausage and bread sandwich ever before! Let me tell you how I did it.
I had fried some cheese sausages and planned to eat them this morning so I dont have to waste too much time cooking them for breakfast. I fried extra sausages for supper. I was REALLY hungry. Then suddenly I had this extreme craving for cheese??? So I got this really good idea which I have always wanted to do but never had the time to do so. This idea was to make the bread toast on one side and have a melted slice of cheese on the other and also have the sausage in the middle of it to make it a sandwich or whatever you call it.
How did I manage to get the bread done that way? Simple, I put it on the frying pan so that only one side would be getting all the heat and gets toast and the other side has the cheese that will melt due to the heat. When I took my first bite, IT WAS AMAZING! I never ever thought that bread and sausages could ever satisfy me so much ever before! I took 30 minutes just to finish to of those 'sandwiches' because they were so good! I took my time on each and every bite.
After that, I brushed my teeth and went to sleep. I had expected to fall asleep at least one hour from going to sleep. Surprisingly, I fell asleep within less than 10 minutes. It was the alarm clock that continued to disturb me throughout the whole night...
And that's about it for my whole perfect supper yesterday.

Tempted to tell

I have something that I wish I could tell the whole world. BUT! I cant... Cause if I do, every one who cares about me will definitely feel bad. So I won't say anything. But hopefully no one can guess what this thing is. By the way, it's not about my feelings for anyone. So don't come running to me and asking whether this post is about liking some random girl or whatever... Cause I still wont answer you, even if the subject of your question was correct.

So actually this post was pointless. Maybe there is a point to it... The point to this post is just to make anyone who even gives a damn get really curious. And so I can annoy them with not telling them anything. I feel so evil. HAHA!

Anyways, today was freaking tiring... Most people dont know this, but I haven't been able to sleep well for about 2 weeks now. Why? Cause of my new alarm clock. My new alarm clock's second hand is really really really noisy! I can't sleep properly because of the noise and also because Im a very light sleeper. LOL.

So today I was really really tired cause I just couldn't stand it anymore. Sad right? LOL. Had a spot check in the first 2 periods. That literally used up my whole battery pack for the morning. So I was totally out when I got to class. Even on duty I couldnt stand properly so I had to lean. Managed to get about 30 minutes of 'sleep' during civics... Some people would be amazed that I could hear every single conversation going on when Jeshan, Li Yen, Shaina, 'The Jamaican', Nicholas and Marn Keon were near my place and talking amongst themselves plus afew other people from the group from Phei Fern's side. I just didnt have enough evergy to care about their conversations... Cause of them I really couldn't get my sleep...
After school, I took the radio to the prefect room and listened to Fly Fm. That managed to wake me up before eating and going for dance practice. So I became hyper during practice but after that, once I had gotten back home I was already half dead...
So right now, I still am very very sleepy...

Did anything bad happen to anyone?

I ask that question because I went really really high in tuition today... And when I get high, Im really high... I laughed for more than 20 minutes non-stop in tuition. I think I freaked alot of people out.
Anyways, when I get high, something bad happens to someone I care for. I didnt know who she/he would be. So I texted about 3-5 people who I thought most probable to have something bad happen to them today. But I didnt text my mom...
I only found out at 11am who and what had happened to the person I care about. The person is my mom. What happened? Her car couldn't start. And she was stuck in her office carpark for more than half an hour cause my stupid dad couldnt hear his phone in the bar... Idiot... Yes, I am calling my dad an idiot. I do it often, but this time I mean it.
You have the right to be dissapointed in me if you thought I was the 'Forever give respect to elders' kind of person. My english is a little problematic today. No idea why. Maybe cause Im really tired. So I wont waste anymore time, and go to sleep. Good night.