Life Is Actually Really GREAT!

Empty is how I feel when you're not around

2010-12-03T12:28:00.003+08:00

When you went away, I really couldn't stop missing you. It was crazy! And somehow very torturing. I felt so empty.

But during that one call on the third night, you said something which brought me back up. I missed you even more after that, but the emptiness wasn't as bad.

When you came back, I felt like time was short. The next week is gonna be gruesome... If I don't get to see you before I go, I might as well be roadkill.

I hope I get to see you before that one whole week of possible silence.

Gosh... Going to Korea on Monday and I have no idea whether Im fully packed or not! GG-fied. Haha.

Im in love=)

2010-10-26T15:01:00.002+08:00

Being in love is so awesome. People may think that it's not possible to fall in love at this age, or that it's just puppy love. Well guess what? I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK! Think of me as ignorant? Again, I DONT CARE! I dont care what you people think, Im gonna stay in Cloud 9 as long as I can.

MUAHAHAHA!

I never knew that I could feel like this. It's so different from before. It's been 2 months since I told you, and even now, every time I see you, I get this anxious feeling, the feeling like my heart is about to bounce out of my chest. Just thinking about you is amazing.

I guess that's about it. Pretty hyper now. Haha.

Thinking...

2010-10-10T23:04:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking alot. Most of which are REALLY crazy stuff. Some of which are very sensible. Though some of those sensible stuff will never happen.

Will things ever get to go that way I want them to be? I hope that it will, but will I be able to make it happen? Haha.

I wish to be better than him AND him... I've never met you before, but I wish to be better than you, and the ones before you. I want to be the greatest. But will I be able to make it happen? That will have to wait for my children to be born to see.

I believe that anything can be achieved if you believe in yourself and in the thing you want to achieve. Belief is something that everyone needs to have. Without it, they will fall.

Do you ever get that feeling where you think you should reconsider your decision for something? And when you find yourself changing your decision, it costs you something big? WELL, I have.

This morning, I was confused on why I decided to stop in the first place. Not because I lost interest, no. If that were the case, I would have stopped alot of other things. Maybe it's because I dont wanna lose ever again. Because Im scared of being beaten by someone of 'lower level' than me. Because Im scared of being embarassed. Because Im scared of being more and more absorbed into it to the point of no return. Because Im scared of changing into somebody Im not. I realized that I quit fighting, only because I was scared. And nothing else.

I will continue to fight. Bet on it, guys. And next time, Im not gonna be scared of anything. Im gonna go in there, give it my all, and show him who's boss no matter win or lose.

Someone very dear to me brought my spirits up this morning. I owe much more than just this to you though, hope I'll be able to return all that you've done for me. Thank you.

SO! Adam Lambert is coming to town. Am I going? That depends. Mum says yes, money's ready. Tickets depend on a certain best friend's mom. Haha.

Im addicted to loving you

AYO!

2010-10-05T01:21:00.002+08:00

Is an awesome song. By SHINee. Haha.

Anyways, sorry for not blogging lately. Have been quite busy with the accounts project. Which reminds me....

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Im FINALLY done with it! AWESOME RIGHT? And IT'S BALANCED!!! MUAHAHAHA!!!

Dont have much to say. Just wanted to blog about me finishing the project. Haha.

All this is thanks to Ashikin Aidura! Seriously, I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for your project! SO needed it. Haha.

And thank you to all those who supported me through the project. Your efforts were NOT wasted. Haha

I just want you to know how I feel

2010-09-25T19:11:00.004+08:00

I dont know what's wrong with me today. I feel really weird. I have so many questions that I want to ask you, yet Im scared to ask them. Haha. But oh well, guess they're questions that I dont need to know the answer to...

I've always thought the moon was an amazing thing. But ever since I was 8 or 9, I've called her Lady Moon. And I've tried my best to catch her every night. There has never been a night where I didn't look for her. I find the lady amazing and beautiful. She lights up the darkness of the night, she brings people home and seeing her at her full makes me happy. Why am I suddenly saying this out of nowehere? Because I think YOU, are more amazing and more beautiful than anything and anyone I have ever met. Call me naive, call me stupid, call me crazy, I dont care! You might not believe me when I say this, but you are amazing and beautiful. More than Lady Moon. And you should know, that Lady Moon has never lost to anyone in my eyes before. Besides my mom of course. Haha. But you, you've changed me. I dont care if people say that Im different and all. Because face it, IM HAPPY! For the first time in a long time too. I haven't sulked for a month, which is a very long time for me. And it's all thanks to you.

When I see you, my heart races with time, making the world around me slow down. When you leave, I feel like holding you in my arms and never letting go. When Im with you, and only you, I feel like I have nothing to hide. No secrets to keep. When Im not talking to you, I actually go through physical discomfort. Weird? I believe so. But most importantly, when I see you I think to myself: There's the most amazing person I have ever met.

So tell me, what did you think of me that night, when I sang to you under the night sky while Lady Moon was watching? What did you feel? Because I've never seen you with that smile before. And I want to see it more.

I wont let anyone crush your world. I will make sure you keep smiling, one way or another. I want to see that beautiful smile that you allowed me to see. That one smile which makes my fire burn high up to the sky.

Most of you already know who Im talking about. Most of you would think Im naive, or crazy. Afew of you even said that Im gonna get myself hurt. Even I think that when Im older, I'll be laughing about my words now. But I dont care about that anymore. If I feel this way about her, then Im gonna make sure the world knows how I feel about her.

So I wanna tell you now. That I want to make you as happy as you make me. I know I can do it. And I will do it. Somehow. That's a promise I make to you. And I won't take no for an answer. Haha

If you see my girl,

Just tell her I miss her smile.

And tell her I love her.

A great day that started with a great morning

2010-09-19T12:27:00.002+08:00

So today I went to Rachel's church for service, if Im not wrong, that's what it's called. Watching her play made me feel weird. Haha.

Honestly, I DID feel a little lost. But it was fine after Declan reached there. Thanks Declan. Overall, the morning started off great. I believe everyone should understand why. Haha.

When I walked home, my parents were out. My sister was sleeping. Had the house all to myself. Studied abit, then went to the com. And yes, I DO study. Just not alot. My attention span for self studying is VERY low. When my mom came back, she gave me the best news she has ever given within the past 4-5 months I believe. She told me that my uncle's family is coming over. So that means my cousin sisters, yes, the ones who are ALWAYS right about me, are coming over lunch. They know EVERY aspect of what's happening in my life.

I love them alot. Haven't really had the chance to spend much time with them lately cause they're always busy with college and uni and stuff. So their timing to go back to Nilai is always not in sync with my family. Hope I get to talk to them later. It's gonna be FUN! Hehe...

OH OH!!! I FINALLY FOUND MY PHONE'S HEADSET! After 3 months of searching for it, I finally found it! It was in the pants which I wore to the service this morning! I only noticed it was in there after I emptied my pockets but still felt something. Then I realized that it was there! In that one pocket, FOR 3 MONTHS! Even went into the washing machine though... But they still work fine! Haha. Amazingly, both my phone and headset are VERY water-proof. Considering that I've dropped my phone into pools, ponds, rivers,etc quite afew times before. So yes, my day is going well.

Best part of it all, Im starting to lose that stupid fear. Im gonna make it. I know I will. And knowing that I have people behind my back is gonna help me through this.

Time to cook. Need to show my cousins that I cook BETTER than ALL 3 of them! MUAHAHAHA!!!!

My fear is taking control

2010-09-17T18:52:00.002+08:00

Im scared. Im scared that I cant become what you want me to be.

Im scared that I can't make you proud. Heck, Im scared I cant make ALL of you proud.

Making wishes might be pointless. But I still want to believe that there is a point in wishing on a shooting star, a birthday, or whatever occasion.

My fear is really taking control of my mind. Im scared of the future. And Im starting to want to live in the past. I dont know how to get rid of it. And I dont know whether getting rid of it will help.

Will getting rid of fear make things easier for me? Will I be able to do what you wish for me to do? I hope so. Because I know, I have to do it. Or else this wont work and it'll fall apart.

Paranoid? Maybe...

2010-09-17T18:20:00.002+08:00

I wish everyone on Earth had more time. Time to do things they never got to do. Time to tell their loved ones how the feel. Time to enjoy life without a single worry. Time to make their lives better. Time to spend with their loved ones. Time to change for the better. Simply put, I wish everyone had more time.

It sucks to know that one day, your loved ones will have to leave you. You might not necessarily be left alone, but the ones that leave will leave a giant empty cave in your heart. When that happens, will you be able to withstand the pain and emptiness? I definitely wont be able to.

It sucks to know that one day, you will have to leave your loved ones for other loved ones. If possible, I never want to do that. But I know, the chances of that happening is almost zero. What if the loved ones you leave end up leaving this world while you weren't around? Would you regret your decision to leave them? Would you wish for more time to spend with them? Would you wish you got to at least say 'goodbye' to them? I would.

I wish I had more time. Because frankly, I need to change myself. How I deal with things. How I treat my own flesh and blood. How I treat my friends who I had been longing to make for so long.

So in conclusion. I would love to say that I love you guys. You know who you are. And I know, one day, I will say it to you in person. And I want you all to know, that I appreciate everything that all of you have ever done for me.

I wonder what's wrong with me... I worry about you so much.

And I always worry if Im good enough. Haha. Stupid right?

When you're not ok, I wish I could make your problems go away.

Yet it's very obvious that I can't.

How can I ever be what I wish to be for you?

Guess I'll just have to try harder.

I dont need a replay,

I just need the time of a replay.

Cant stay away from you

2010-09-13T15:30:00.003+08:00

I have totally lost my voice for the time being... This throat infection is starting to piss me off. Im fine if I cough like some 90 year old dude, or if I cant sleep at night because of the coughing. BUT IT TOOK MY VOICE AWAY!!! ARGH!

Im pissed not because I cant talk, but because I cant sing nor could I shout back at my sister when she started throwing a fit at me over a small piece of cake... -.- So all I could do was just talk like normal and try to calm her down, which wasn't very useful. She ended up trying to destroy my lunch, which she didn't succeed at. I now wish she did though, because lunch was awful...

SO! Yesterday, I rushed back from Nilai to go to 2 Raya open houses. One was Yasmin's and the other Arshad's. Reached home at about 1.30 and I rushed everything. Cut myself twice or thrice while shaving.

So when I got to Yasmin's place, talked with her for awhile then Zoe and Esther popped up and Yasmin went to talk to some other friends. While the 3 of us were talking, I think Esther suddently asked: ' OMG! You both planned this out isit?!' Of course, I had no idea what they were talking about until Zoe pointed behind me. When I turned around, I saw her. This amazing beautiful girl who I am SO crazy about. It took me afew seconds to snap out of that dreamy state of mine. Haha. Then I realized what Esther meant... We were wearing the same color... Roughly lar...
BUT anyways. Victor kept annoying me at Yasmin's place. So after I ate, Rachel, Jo Yee and I took our leave. Sorry Yasmin for not staying longer. Would have stayed another 15-30 minutes, but Victor was annoying the crap out of me... Sorry...

So after Yasmin's place, the 3 of us went to Arshad's place. Got the same questions that I got at Yasmin's place... Ate abit, then went to the library. Played Monopoly City. Got quite bored because nobody really understood this game at all. The rules were slightly different and even though Arshad was playing, we had to depend on Gavin to explain to us bit by bit. I ended up being the only player without a property at a certain point for 3-4 turns... So yeah, I was the loser. We got bored of the game later on and stopped the game. In the end, we looked through some of Arshad's baby photos. SO CUTE!!! Like damn epicly cute. Right, Arshad? Hehe

Everyone went back before 6 except me... My mom took a whole hour to leave the house, so yes, you can imagine how mad I was... But oh well, overall, I had fun. Being there was more than enough to make me happy. And I think we all know why.

You're everything I ask for.

Which to read first?

2010-09-10T15:32:00.002+08:00

So lately, I have been to 2 bookfairs. One is a stock clearance held by MPH. Another was at the KL Convention Centre held by Popular.

The first one was about 2 weeks ago? Went on a Monday afternoon. Bought at least 20 books there. FREAKING CHEAP! Ended up at about RM100.

Today though, I went for the Popular bookfair. The amount of people there was CRAZY! Seriously! Everyone was carrying basket, and everyone was trying to move in different directions. IT WAS CHAOS I TELL YOU!!!

But I came out alive and still happy. Finally got to buy The Inheritance Cycle. Or better known as Eragon etc... Got all 3, total up bout RM30. Sure the MPH one was much cheaper, but I couldn't find these there.

So Im actually enjoying myself by reading. Never thought there would be a day that my mom would spend so much on books for me to read and the books were my own choice. The total that my mom and I have spent on books within the past 2 weeks is at least RM1000. Haha. CRAZY!!!

When I see your face,

my heart stops beating.

ARGH!

2010-09-07T22:59:00.003+08:00

Everything is being thrown at me in one go again...

When I first heard that the exams were being pushed to October, I was fairly happy. But now, not so... Adam Lambert is coming on the 14th. And 17th there's this competition... It's about time I told the world now...

Frankly speaking, I no longer have any interest in sparring anymore. All I want now, is to learn how to be a better teacher and maybe even learn the practical uses of Taekwondo as a martial arts. This thing has been bothering me since just before the JLK competition. I asked myself, is sparring really still what Im interested in? Then it came to me, sparring was never an interest. It always just a way to test myself and see how good I am... Now that I know that I can't really cant go far, what's the point?

I never realized this until tonight. I cause my own problems. Thinking back, I noticed that every single serious problem that I have ever had has ALWAYS been my own fault... And now this shit, is ALSO my fault... ARGH!!! I wish that my friends would just tell me straight in the face what their problems with me are... I am so definintely gonna cry myself to sleep tonight...

WOOO!!!!!

2010-09-03T21:00:00.002+08:00

Well. My head's way up in the sky now. My only worry is that things will go wrong. Let's hope not.

So... A certain D found out from a certain E about me and my feelings... This certain D, slipped his tongue and caused a L in my class to find out too. Somehow, Chindians can read each other quite well... It's like my class' Chindians read each other damn well. We all practically know each other's crush/whatever you would call it. Haha. Problem is, one of the Chindians in my class, cant shut up and told the whole world... Got abit pissed at him.

So now about 60-70% of the guys in my class know about me... Which sucks cause Im just too obvious and I can't read anyone properly. IMAN! Teach me. Haha. And guess what? 30% of those guys tend to tease me... Which gets on my nerves VERY easily...

But it's okay... They cant get on my bad side cause Im too happy/carefree. EXCEPT! YOU! Stupid ass... You say that ONE more time, I WILL PERSONALLY SLAP YOU! I warned you this morning itself. So don't say I didn't warn you when you said that crap!

ANYWAYS! Next week should be a good week. Hopefully. Even though I REALLY need to plan out my time for my accounts project, everything should go fine. Considering that the exams have been pushed to October. Only problem about that is that Adam Lambert is coming on the 14 of October I believe. Which would potong me damn badly... SO! I hope for the best. Haha

SO! WATCH OUT! You bloody perverted ass... You say anything like that again, YOU ARE DEAD!

You're my MVP

It's gonna be a stressful year...

2010-08-29T22:33:00.002+08:00

So yesterday, I was announced as the new president of the Taekwondo Club. I hate Pn Santi... And I dont care if I spelled her name wrongly... I didn't want the post...

My year next year is gonna be hard... Hopefully things work out...

Im literally on the brink of reaching for that bottle that's sitting there just to test me...

Have I ever mentioned that I hate it when I can't do anything to help my friends? I hate it even more when I get pissed at myself over not being able to help my friends. I hate it most when I realize that I almost never take care of my own problems before my friends' problems... Sucks when I know I should take care of my own problems but want to take care of others first...

Why do I do that? Cause helping my friends tends to give me an extremely good feeling about myself. But it sucks when trying to help backfires. Makes things much worse for everyone... Haiz...

Gotta find a way to fix things soon. Before I go crazy... Anyone care to help?

WHERE ISIT?!

2010-08-26T22:52:00.002+08:00

Where in BLOODY HELL is my file?! I can't find it... I left it in the hall yesterday and I can't find it no matter how many times I go through the hall... And frankly, it's pissing me off... I need that file! Not only is my work stuff in there, there are also some photos of EXTREME sentimental values...

So if ANYONE at all has found a white transparent file which opens with a circle of velcro, please check it's contents: accounts projects, some pictures, a warning letter with my name on it... Please return it...

I need to start going for my classes on Sundays again... Before I become that stupid impatient person again... Crap... I feel that my fuse is getting shorter by the day... MOM! WAKE ME UP!!!

Feeling abit disappointed

2010-08-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

Why you may ask... It's because out of all my close friends. You are the only one who told me to give up... I don't understand why though... It's like I you're saying I dont stand a chance. What's even worse is that you don't know her at all... So yes, I believe you are jumping very big steps and to a very outrageous conclusion...

Im pretty sure you wont read this post anyways but I just wanna express myself... It doesn't matter if I don't stand a choice... This is definitely the first time I have ever, EVER, felt so happy for so long in one go.

Having such feelings for her somehow just makes me carefree and happy. So it doesn't matter if she has such feelings for me or not. I wanna stay like this and not that stupid idiot who used to sulk over every little crap that made him even the slightest bit sad...

I hope you realize that this is the last time I will ever go to you for any girl related problems...

Gosh... Why?! Out of all of them does it have to be you? If it were her or her or HER I could get it... But you don't know this girl at all...

Im sorry, Ah Jie, but I seriously cant just let go when I dont want to. Accept the fact...

Im sorry

2010-08-25T16:08:00.003+08:00

I somehow feel like Im responsible for you bottling up all your problems... I dont know why. Maybe because I was MIA for awhile? Im sorry.

Im always free to call. Just afew dials away. Letting the problems out to someone might help your situation. You could even tell me to meet you somewhere. Im a VERY free person these days. But of course, Im only free if the thing is important and needs me. So Just text me or something lar.

Im really sorry

Waiting for the right reply

2010-08-22T20:22:00.003+08:00

Honestly, take your time. I believe that I can wait forever for an answer. I just hope you're okay.

ANYWAYS! My cousins came over to have some fun. They fried my brains cause they were VERY kiasu... They were finally happy when they beat me at Yu-Gi-Oh after losing for about 4 hours... So yeah, my brain was fried. Damn badly... After the games, they just HAD to annoy the crap out of me.

Very few things annoy me that badly and only one can annoy me that badly at the very instance you say anything related... Declan, you should know. You always do it to me. Just that you do it with control. Sadly, my cousins don't have that kind of control cause they're too innocent... Haiz... Thankfully, they left already. I did have fun, but they just had to ruin it by bringing up that topic. They even tried to use my phone to embarrass... And luckily, Im still bigger in size than them. For now...

I found out something about a certain someone that I believe alot of people don't like. Haha... It's so interesting to find out about this. But then again, you will never know that I know about it. MUAHAHAHA

Im SOOO HUNGRY NOW! Seriously.... I have no idea where my mom is with the groceries... I have absolutely NOTHING to eat... I've just eaten the last 5 slices of bread... And Im still hungry... ARGH!!! MOM!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!

My sister went to this studies course thing... Apparently someone I would call a best friend was there too... And apparently, that best friend had no reason to be there? Or something like that. Haha...

OH! I KNOW WHY MY MOM IS SO LATE! She's in OU with my sister... My sister wanted to go to OU after the studies course because Wang Lee Hom would be there today... I think for some autograph session... Im gonna kill my sister later. Haha

So finally, to end this post... I don't know if you're gonna read this or not, but.... Im sorry if Im causing you any problems or keeping you up... I seriously wouldn't know if Im doing anything wrong. So please, I would love to know if I'm doing anything wrong... Hopefully you would tell me. Thanks.

Getting more and more

nervous by the day

Did you know that it's dangerous to have a broken chair lying around?!

2010-08-17T19:28:00.003+08:00

Having a broken office chair around in the house isn't safe... I would know... Because I just got cut by it. And it took more than just my skin... 3 cuts on ONE finger just because I tried to pull something out of it... One of these cuts were so deep, my epidermis totally came off... There's a very obvious etch in my index finger now... And it burns. Haha. Guess that's what I get for being hyper...

Anyways, I managed to finished all of my overdue work! YAY! Now Im stuck with accounts project work... The whole thing has to be done by the end of September. If Im having trouble, I pity you, my friend... Seriously, you haven't even handed your moral project in yet... Plus you have all the teachers trying to kill you. GOOD LUCK MAN! You're gonna need it.

I have so many things that I wanna tell you. I wish I could just tell you now and get it over with... But I know you're busy and all the stuff you're going through nowadays means that I can't say anything yet. So I will wait. Until I think it's ok to tell you all of it. And, Im really sorry for troubling you so much these days.

Honestly, I wish that this new hyperness/carefree-ness in me will last.

You feel so supernatural!

-Supernatural, Daughtry-

WOW! Look at the time!

2010-08-17T01:09:00.002+08:00

It's 1.10AM and Im still awake at the computer. You might ask what Im doing.
WELL! I was actually doing my homework that is about 2 months overdue. Finished 70% of it before my brain juice ran out at about 12.30AM. And since there was someone to talk to online I figured I might as well stay and chat.
So now Im just reading Air Gear waiting for my hair to dry before I can sleep.
Had pretty much of an ok-ok day but still felt really good. Haha!

So tell me, am I annoying anyone yet?

Falling In

2010-08-14T19:41:00.002+08:00

I am loving Smoke and Mirrors by Lifehouse. The album I mean.

As you can see, I have changed my blog header. I thought about changing my whole URL, but I thought that it would be abit too much trouble for me and everyone else. So guess what?! IT'S NOT LONGER AN EMO BLOG!!! YAY!

Pretty high right now. No idea why though. Maybe the songs are getting in my head... Anyways, today was pretty normal except for THAT... Lol... Not gonna say anything.

To all my friends, Im really sorry if my happiness/hyperness/carefree-ness is starting to annoy you all. I just feel REALLY good these days. Started on last Monday night. Haha...

Everytime I see your face,

My heart takes off on a high speed chase.

-Falling In, Lifehouse-

Long ago...

2010-08-07T19:28:00.002+08:00

Long ago, I felt sad for too many days in a row. I actually managed to take care of that problem. Guess doing so wasn't so bad of a choice.

It's been a long time since I've felt this sad. Maybe it's because I really haven't had the chance to let out my feelings in a very long time. Making myself busy just kept everything inside... Problem is, Im more prone to anger than ever... Yet today, I feel so sad... I just wanna stay in my room to cry to sleep...

Why do your words affect me so badly? I really dont get it... Im 100% I have feelings for this other person... Yet she can't hurt me as bad as you can. I really don't get it... I know I've been missing for a very long time due to my work, but I really thought that it wouldn't affect anything... I've told you one too many times already, Im sorry.

I hate my 2 asses... Sure, they work well, but they definitely make the wrong choice... Im so far back from all my subjects... It's still 2010 and Im feeling the pressure for SPM already...

Plus this bitch at home wont shut up... Making my life so hard... BITCH! YOU BETTER STOP IT SOON! Remember that Im gonna be the one taking care of you when you end up with 0 A's for SPM!

Can anyone save me from all this bullshit?

BORED

2010-06-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

I watched Karate Kid 2 times within 3 days. IT WAS AWESOME! Sorry Yasmin... Potonged you... BUT! I REALLY WANNA WATCH IT AGAIN!!! SERIOUSLY AWESOME!

Jaden Smith can actually play his role quite well. Jackie Chan's english is still horrible after all these years... Sad right?
The movie makes sure you wont stop laughing for more than 10 minutes. Go and test it out. Cause I definitely didn't stop laughing for more than that...

GO WATCH IT! DAMN AWESOME!

IT'S STILL IN MY HEAD!!!

2010-06-01T18:39:00.003+08:00

Bonamana is still in the skull of mine... ARGH!!!

So today I had my accounts paper 2... GG!!! When teacher gave out the answer sheets, I was like 'WTH is this shit?' Then when the question paper came, I thought to myself 'Im so gonna fail this exam.' So what I did was crap out as much as I could for it so it didn't seem like I handed in an empty paper. So technically, Im flunking it...

The other exams were okay. EXCEPT SEJARAH!!! FUCK SEJARAH! Lol... Got an 82 for my Physics which Im pretty much happy about. Haha.

Besides that, life has been pretty okay. Im coping with most of the shit that comes to me. Thanks to afew of my best friends, especially the longest term friendship one, Im doing pretty well, I would say at least.

Blog again some other time... Damn lazy... Haha

Im pretty sure Im back!

2010-05-14T19:51:00.002+08:00

Thanks alot Arshad... Really... No one could do it better than you.... -.-

WELL!!! Thanks to Arshad, I've got this one song stuck in my head and Im listening to it OVER AND OVER AGAIN as I blog... BONAMANA!!! ARGH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Anyways! Today I stayed back to listen to Iman's and Arshad's oral... HEY! IMAN! You're right! The girl's name DOES COME OUT FIRST! LOL!!! So after the oral, we went to eat rojak... Apparently, my parents never taught me that there are afew types of rojak... I always thought that there was only one form of it... Which was the fruit one with the brown colored sauce...

So I came back with Iman because my shoe tore apart... Then I listened to this song called Fighting by Yellowcard. Describes my situation PERFECTLY! But it wasnt as addictive as Bonamana... ARGH!!!

Back? Maybe not...

2010-05-12T23:33:00.003+08:00

Sorry for not updating is so long! Have been to down to even think about blogging... Im damn outdated on the 'online reading' stuff...

ANYWAYS! Just a quick update, because Im not supposed to be using the comp...

Within the time I havent been blogging, I found out MANY MANY things that made me REALLY REALLY sad... Two of which left me devastated... I will not talk about them...

Today, everyone was asking me what was wrong with me. I told them that I was sleepy. Im sorry everyone, but obviously I was lying. Today was the saddest day of my life. I completely let showed it on my face... Yet, only afew minutes ago, I managed to solve my own problems... I never thought I could do it without much help. One of the problems I didn't get any... Im abit proud of myself. HAHA!

Anyways... That's about it?

THE KOREAN NATIONAL TAEKWONDO DEMONSTRATION TEAM IS AWESOME!!!

Stupid dreams....

2010-04-12T15:47:00.002+08:00

Had the same dream over and over again for the past 3-4 nights or so... Pisses me off whenever I think about it... Cause I couldn't burst in any way I wanted during camp and now Im just too tired to do anything about it...

But Im sure there are people having a life that sucks much more right now. So I'll stay happy with whatever I have now...

Why do I keep feeling this way?

2010-04-08T19:31:00.005+08:00

My body has the most PERFECT TIMING ever! I fall sick one day before going to prefects camp... So potong wei... I'll be going, but I'll also be worrying about ALOT of other things... And since my health hasn't been good lately, mental stress wouldn't be too good...

Need to relax from eveything... My mom's balik kampung timing is always the worst... When I wanna stay at home, she says have to go back... When I wanna leave town, she says she has work... Haiz...

Lately I've been getting blackouts... Real serious ones... But they last about 1-2 seconds... Almost got hit by a car because of one of them blackouts though... On Monday, ran in the rain because I passed the umbrellas to Jo Yee and Di Wern. Didn't really have a choice. Cause the umbrellas were so small, I knew that they would get wet if I squeezed in with either one. BTW, there were 2 umbrellas. And Jo Yee was already sick, so I walked on with my MU cap.

In tuition, had so many problems... Blackouts+rib cramps... So mafan... Plus whole week I've been stressing out about stupid problems which I cant tell anyone... So stupid... Need to leave town for at least a week to forget all about it wei...

ARGH!!!

Phei Fern's Sexy 16

2010-04-07T17:03:00.002+08:00

SO! If you have read Phei Fern's blog recently, you should know that Di Wern and I threw a surprise birthday party for her on Monday. Credits mostly go to Di Wern because she did most of the work. All I did was call Phei Fern's mom and come up with certain small ideas.

ANYWAYS! The list of people who came are on Phei Fern's blog so I will not repeat... I am making this post for Phei Fern's sake because she asked for someone else to blog about it... Lol...

So Phei Fern met Jo Yee and I at Starbucks, SS2 at about 3 while I was having my coffee. Since Di Wern and the rest needed more time to prepare, I took my own sweet time to finish the coffee. Actually I was rushing it because they were almost done and I had 3 quarters left of a venti mocha frap...

When I finished the coffee, we left Starbucks and went along to Swensens. As we reached the doors, I covered Phei Fern's eyes and Jo Yee opened the door for her to go in. Then... Well you can roughly guess... But the funny part was! As some of them said 'SURPRISE!', Phei Fern said something that made me laugh my ass off... Go ask her about it... HAHA!

So she opened her presents and we ate... Hmm.... Im really lazy... So we'll skip the rest. Over-all, I got wet and got so cold to the point I got rib cramps almost every minute...

Anything else please inform me...

First day of the week, mood total change!

2010-03-28T20:35:00.002+08:00

WOOOOO!!!! Freaking happy! First time I managed to cancel off my fear of Jason in sparring! Damn happy that I managed to beat both Yuen Hung and Jason. But Im really surprised at the same time. Never thought it would happen. I might have lost to Yuen Hung if he didn't have a fever. BUT! I will train even harder to not have such a hard time! I WILL OWN! I wanna be able to beat BEH HUAI JUN! MUAHAHA!

WATCH ME GROW TO BECOME UNSTOPPABLE!!!(I hope I spelled that correctly)

WOOOO

2010-03-26T21:04:00.004+08:00

I dont know why, but this week has been a week full of me being pissed... My mood hasn't been good at all for the past 4 days or so... The Facebook thing Im ok already, but still keeping it in mind lar... Need more time to take it off. Getting ditched by a close friend for her boyfriend doesn't feel nice. I actually DO think I really am mad at you... But I'll be fine in afew more days... Just NEVER EVER do it again... No matter how important he may be to you, always understand that without your friends, you'll crash and burn.

Then there's my mom being pissed this whole week too. When she's pissed, it's like the WHOLE house becomes angry... EVERYTHING goes wrong...

Im pissed at another girl also for doing something knowingly, but unintentionally. If that's even possible... Haiz... Just hope the person having the BIGGEST problem with her will tell her soon.

Im also pissed at something which I will not talk about because everytime I think about it, I get even more pissed...

So yeah... I've been pissed the whole week... Sad right?

You drifted...

2010-03-16T16:45:00.002+08:00

You can't say it's my fault. I wanted to help you when the brother called me. But because you never told me shit, I couldn't help you OR him. If only you had updated me. I asked you if he was there, and you said no. You FORCED me to go over. To PROTECT him, I MYSELF had to come over to your place. I dont want to care if you're mad at me. Just know that now, because of his mistakes. His lies... What's so fucking wrong about telling the truth??!! Unless he had promised YOU to not tell his brother anything, then it's your fault. Not his.

But whatever has happened, just know that now, NEITHER OF YOU have someone to call 'kor'. I am very sad to say this. I dont want to lose you. But you cut the ties even though I was trying to help your guy...
Estelle Kot, my brotherly love for you will not die. I will always be watching. I hope you understand how I feel now.

WOOOO

2010-03-04T19:12:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged in so long!!! I wonder why... Maybe cause I havent had the time.
So what's happened lately was.....
Hmmm.....

OH!!! Last week I helped Sifu with the rest of us EX people to clean up the new academy. SO SYOK! But my hands died for peeled for afew days after that... It's finally open but I haven't been there yet because I balik kampung on the day it opened... T.T
BUT IM GOING TOMORROW! WEEEEE

This week... I've been helping Ashikin for her permit camp. Cant remember why she's making one in the first place though. So what we did was help tie up all the wood to make tables and stuff... I LEARNED HOW TO TIE GIRL GUIDES' KNOTS!!! WOOOO

Lol... Im hyper... But later Im pretty sure Im gonna be freaking down...

IMAN! When are you gonna give me the info about where we're going for that event which I have NO CLUE WHATSOEVER? I need to ask my mom... Please hurry...

What I got as birthday presents : D

2010-02-19T23:50:00.002+08:00

SO! This is a summary of what I got as birthday presents. In order of which item I received first to last. NOTE: I count all birthday parties/lunch/dinner as presents too. But Iman, you still owe me. Hehe

Move Along by The All American Rejects. Jo Yee gave it to me. I know the lyrics to almost every song already.
Kris Allen from my mom. Know all the lyrics to the songs already.
A note from Ashikin which made me VERY happy on that day.
A small birthday party organized by Di Wern and co.
Another birthday party organized by my to lovely younger sisters.
A new water bottle which I desperately needed from one of the lovely sisters, Estelle.
For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert from another lovely sister, Dhanya.
A surprise birthday party from my Taekwondo gang mainly organized by Kok Keong, my SUPER SIFU and one of my oldest friends, Gavin.
Fist and feet guards which are SO COOL from the KK Clan.
Head gear from the others from the Taekwono gang.
A blue Mr Sparkles which I renamed Mr Pervert because it looked perverted to me from Phei Fern.
A birthday lunch organized by Iman at Swensens.
Year Of The Gentlemen by Ne-Yo from Yasmin.
Boys Like Girls from Arshad. I only got it yesterday and I already know the lyrics to 7 out of the 12 songs.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AMAZING PRESENTS! I love them all! Of course I do, they're all things that I wanted/ needed. ^^

SO! I think that's all of them. If I missed out anyone's present, Im sorry. Please tell me a.s.a.p.

Have a nice day! > (

2010-02-19T13:31:00.002+08:00

So yesterday was freaking AWESOME! Went jogging early in the morning with Sifu and Gavin for about an hour. After jogging we went for breakfast at Subway in SS2. Met Ashikin and her mom there. Sifu belanja both of us our breakfast. Thank you , Sifu. One day I will belanja you back.

After I came back, got ready, left the house, picked Iman up, and went to Eli's open house. I thought that Eli only invited afew certain people because she didn't want them to come so I didn't call Gavin to come along earlier in the morning. But apparently, Eli forgot about the others so I also kena zha damn badly... Feel damn guilty now... Sorry Gavin...
Anyways, Gavin managed to come over for the open house. We played with the Wii and some kind of card game where the cards were in the form of Mah Jong tiles. After that we played Cho Dai Di and then Blackjack. My luck in Cho Dai Di was great. Kept on winning after Gavin won the first round. Arshad, I must teach you how to play... You have super good luck, but you waste it...

So at about 2.45 or so, Yasmin's mom came over to pick us up to go OU. Sorry Eli, if it seemed like we were boycotting your open house... We didn't mean it that way... So we reached OU at about 3PM and had an hour to do anything before the movie. So we walked and walked until about 3.30 when we met my mom. That was the first time Aiman, Arshad, Iman and Yasmin met my mom. They say that I look nothing like her, but I am the one who has her straight hair and my sister is the one who has my dad's curly/wavey(I hope that's the correct spelling) hair.

So at 3.45 we went to the cinema and we got our popcorn and water. Went to through the gates and watched.... DRUMROLL PLEASE
*Drumroll*

Valentine's Day! Lol... The movie was very interesting. I didn't think that everything would be connected... I was surprised by the movie because every character's story connected to each other in one way or another. Damn cool. Must watch movie! But if you're the type who hates romantic comedies, dont watch it lar of course.

So the movie ended at about 6.30, by the way, it's 2 hours plus. So make sure you pee BEFORE the movie. ANYWAYS! After the movie, Yasmin and Aiman had to go back home. And so only Iman and Arshad were left. So we walked and walked and walked while my mom had dinner with my sister and her friend because we were'nt gonna watch another movie like they were. OH! And just so you know, my mom, my sister and her friend were there too for Valentine's Day. So if I told anyone that I was watching the movie with family, I didn't lie. Hehe

So we continued to walk until about 7pm? And got ourselves a table at Delicious. Apparently, we were the youngest people at the restaurant without an adult to accompany us. So people must have thought we were rich spoiled brats, but WHO GIVES A DAMN? LOL
So I had the best lasagne I had ever had so far as my main course and an amazing brownie with ice cream on top for desert. Iman had aglio olio for the main course and Arshad had this mushroom sandwich for his main course. They both had the same desert. The food was really good. I would say, DEFINITELY worth the number on the bill-RM 118.90. I treated Iman to dinner because I still owed her a birthday present. The total for both our food was RM80.90. Only 90 cents above my expectations. So it was all good. OH! And I forgot to mention! ARSHAD GOT ME BOYS LIKE GIRLS!!! WOOO~~~
Thanks Arshad. I love it. Hehe....

So after dinner we continued to walk around aimlessly until about 9.30 and left the place in my mom's car. Sorry Iman and Arshad if anything caused the ride to be uncomfortable...
So we sent everyone back and came back home. I freshened up and discussed afew things with Iman and then went to sleep.
Iman, thank you so much for yesterday. Alot of things hit me yesterday but I managed to take them in. Hehe... Thank you.

SO! That's about it for yesterday, waiting for after training to blog if there is anything more to blog about. Bye...

IM BACK IN TOWN BABE!!!

2010-02-17T19:41:00.002+08:00

So Im back from Nilai, my mom's hometown. We left the house on Friday. Came back with a big smile on my face when I saw the dinning table FULL of delicious food. The food literally said to me 'WELCOME HOME!' I ate damn alot. 5 bowls of rice. New record in the whole house. Beat my uncle, whose previous record was 4 bowls. My highest record before the 5 was 3. I SHOT UP BY 2 BOWLS! IT'S AMAZING!
So I had pretty much of a good time the whole time I was there. UNTIL! Yesterday night when I emod... I felt pretty empty even though I had tons of family around me. So I talked to afew friends via sms to get rid of it and slept at 2. Thanks Jo Yee and Di Wern for being there.
And so today, counted my money. DAMN LOT!!! BETTER THAN LAST YEAR! WOOOO!
Phei Fern called me today only to make me disappointed in her... Might have been a little bit angry, but Im fine now. PHEI FERN! Never ever do that again... Understand?
I feel so good now cause I get to use the internet again. And also because I managed to get the movie ticketing done.
WOOO!
So Im going off to dinner now, HAVE A GOOD TIME PEOPLE! BYE

WOOOO!

2010-02-17T19:31:00.002+08:00

So on the 12th last week, which was 3 days afer my birthday, Iman, Arshad, Aiman, Yasmin, Eli, Gavin and I went to Swensen's for lunch to celebrate my birthday. This celebration was mainly for those who couldnt make it on the day itself.
So Yasmin's mom sent us to Swensen's and we had lunch. My mac n cheese was SOOO good, yet so oily==
Then Gavin came after the main dishes and we had ice cream!!! WOOO! After ice cream, we went to V Station. Had lots of fun. But Eli had to go back early so she couldnt play... T.T
So we played until maybe 5? DAMN SYOK! Yasmin and Aiman went off at about 4.30.
Had tons of fun on that day. Thank you all, especially Iman, who planned it all out.
THANK YOU!!!!

So after getting back home, I ironed my clothes and got ready for the movie with Auntie Annie, Danielle, and my 2 sisters. We went to TC Mall to watch Percy Jackson and The Lighting Thief. We had dinner at this place where the chef would come out of the kitchen and look at the customers as if he wanted to kill them... My biological sister ordered Hor Fun and it was the last dish to come... I expected it to be good cause it took so long... BUT! IT SUCKED!!! BADLY! Wasted damn lot of time at the stupid useless restaurant...
So after dinner we watched the movie. DAMN COOL! But Danielle said that it was dissapointing because apparently there are LOTS of things missing from the book and the storyline is abit farfetched compared to the book.
So after the movie, Auntie Annie sent us back home only to find out that there was a black out...
I took a bath in the dark which was very very interesting. I couldnt see anything but yet I managed to get nothing to fall. Even the bodywash and shampoo bottles didnt fall. That clearly shows how long those bottles have been there even though they've been replaced with other bottles before. They always end up in the same position... DAMN COOL
So after that went to sleep. And didnt wake up for the next day of school. HAHA

Anyways, SORRY ELI! For watching the movie before you...

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!

2010-02-09T23:25:00.003+08:00

OMG!!!! I HAD THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!! ON 90210!!!

The day started off with me waking up to It's Over by Jesse McCartney at 5.50a.m. So I got up and got ready for school. Reached school, got tons of Happy Birthday wishes. School wasn't that much special.

After school, went to Subway with Gavin, Kevin, Arshad and Aiman for lunch. Lepas makan, we went to V Station to play lar in occassion of my birthday. DAMN FUN! Di Wern, Jo Yee, Phei Fern, Gavin, Kevin, Arshad, Chee Seng, Aiman, Nikki, Li Jiet were there for me. SO FUN WEI! Half way through a song, suddenly they started singing the Happy Birthday song with a cake in Jo Yee's hands... I was like 'OMG!' In my mind. Haha. Thanks everyone!!! Owe you all damn lot!

So after V Station, went back home. Found that my sister wasn't at home. Got pissed over that. Came to the computer and did the report. Lepas itu, tried listening to the lyrics for Kris Allen songs. Suddenly at about 6pm, Estelle popped-up behind me! Kena zha damn badly... Cause I found out that my 2 sisters went out to OU to get me my presents.... Dhanya got me For Your Entertainment, and Estelle got me the bottle that I needed! YEAH!!! They also got a cake. Thank you both so much!

So waited for my parents for dinner and ended up getting 2 large pizzas. Ate dinner with family including Estelle. Should have called Por Lyn-jie... Damn it... So after a very quick dinner, went straight to EX, under the impression that Master Ben Wong had called for a meeting with us. I was so scared... Went there, they did some funny stuff, but I was surprised with a REALLY BIG cake! I was like 'OMGEE!!!' So they sang and I cut the cake that was baked by Jun Kent's mom! IT WAS REALLY GOOD! I recommend her if you want a special birthday cake! Anyways! I opened my presents. The first one was something that I asked my mom to get for me quite awhile ago. But I was very sure she wouldn't get it. HEAD GEAR!!! For sparring of course. It was from everyone in the academy. The other one was from my Sifu and Siheng. PENGUIN GUARDS!!! SO NICE YOU KNOW!!! So we ate and had fun. Now I am the only one who has the full set of sparring equipment! So pro... HEHE. Thanks everyone!

So after I came back, I came straight here. Straight to the com to blog. So technically, I HAD THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

T
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Birthday Wishlist

2010-02-07T20:50:00.003+08:00

1) Outing with group of friends and the group doesnt split up halfway
2) Move Along (Gotten it already from Jo Yee, thank you Jo Yee!)
3) Boys Like Girls (Just so you know, Im talking about the first album, I already have Love Drunk)
4) Food that makes me full until I can vommit (Given by my Sifu already, thank you Sifu!)
5)Kris Allen (Given to me by my mom, thank you mom!)
6) Year Of The Gentlemen
7) Shaka Rock
8) Owl City's album, which I have no idea what the name is.
9) Pretty much anything that I can use.

And even though alot of the albums above are old, I still want them.

SO GOGOGOGO!!!

Perfect ending

2010-01-31T22:56:00.002+08:00

SO!
Last Friday, 29/1/10, I was there. In front of a crowd of maybe only 5000. Jumping and screaming my lungs out to....
BOYS LIKE GIRLS!!! MUAHAHA!
Went with Chee Seng, Gavin, Dominic, Arshad and Chia Sing who got to touch MARTIN! Of course, as you would guess, Martin is the lead singer of Boys Like Girls...
I just have to type this out... SO SAD FOR THOSE WHO DIDNT COME BECAUSE THEY WERE SCARED OF THE CROWD!!! MUAHAHA!
Even though the whole event was free, the place wasnt packed! The lot of us got front row. And I didnt sweat a single drop because the air-con was blowing straight in our faces. The only time that I actually felt hot was when BLG started performing. They played about 8 songs if Im not mistaken. 3 of which I did not know. First performance was some DJ who made us hyped up for the rest of the night, then Sixth Sense who totally spoiled the hype... 3rd was this guy named Aizat. He was pretty good. He sings MUCH better than Christopher Saw, and I really like Chris' singing. So I would say I liked this Aizat guy. Then came this Taiwanese or Hongkee singer... His voice was good too. THEN! BLG!!!!
So yeah... THE NIGHT ROCKED!
Until I came back, after midnight... Went emo again... Cause of certain reasons that only certain people know...
Emo'd the whole of Saturday. Then on Sunday, TODAY!
I love today wei! Even though today started off emo also, BUT!!! After EX Team training, I finally have a Sifu! After so long, finally! And what more? Kok Keong is my sifu! Freaking proud! Now just have to get used to the addressing of 'Kok Keong' that has to be changed to 'Sifu'.
So yeah, I FEEL GREAT!!!

Perfect ending to this totally emo month.
Arigato-gosaimas, Sensei!

NOOOOOOO

2010-01-26T22:39:00.002+08:00

My mom took the old laptop along to Hong Kong on a business trip... Now Im stuck with this old desktop... IM SO BORED!!! So bored until I'm watching Naruto from the beginning all over again... Stupid? I would say so.
I could seriously kill someone if I dont get the laptop back soon... Plus the new laptop wont be coming back until at least a month... So stupid.
ENTERTAIN ME!!! CALL ME!!! ARGH

What's wrong with me?

2010-01-23T23:25:00.003+08:00

I suddenly feel damn weird... As if someone cut my heart open and didnt seal it... I dont know why though...
I dont know whether it was because of that dream... Or maybe because of something else... Am I ok? Definitely not right now...
I also feel very pathetic... Haiz...
Whatever it is... I need to cancel it off a.s.a.p. If not Im gonna die for training tomorrow... Haiz...

IM BACK ONLINE!!!

2010-01-23T19:57:00.001+08:00

My sister fried my modem and my new laptop which wasnt even a month old by letting it get struck my lightning. Sad right? Well, there goes my hardwork on Prototype... Gonna have to restart it... AGAIN!!!
Stupid sister... Haiz... By the way, obviously the sister Im talking about is Dhanya...
Por Lyn... You potong me damn badly... I sms'd you at least 4 times today... You replied only once... T.T
AND! When I finally come back online, you go offline after I say hi... So potong...
SO! Now Im just blogging and I have nothing to do. Gonna read blogs now... Bye

I feel like crap...

2010-01-15T21:31:00.005+08:00

Wanna know why? Go ahead and ask me personally and see whether I tell you or not. I feel so pathetic...

I always doubt my choices for certain things like whether to stay back or not or whether to do my homework the night itself of just leave it for later...

I regeret alot of choices now... I know that regretting is pointless, but still, what's wrong with thinking about the past? Im sure everybody wishes that they could have changed something they did...

I would definitely love to change my stupid decision to bring my phone to school one Saturday when there was class and I was at a competition held in our school... If I didn't bring it, I would have saved myself from tons of stress... Now I have to continuously watch my back... It's frustrating...

Now I have to totally balance out friends, family, Taekwondo, prefects AND studies... I never used to have studies to balance... Never did... But now F4 is so different... I cant' skip all my classes for spot checks anymore... It's so so bloody annoying when I cant do that...

I need to burst... It's been real long since I last burst... Hopefully I can do so tonight so I can get rid of feeling pathetic...

Im light enough to fly!

2010-01-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

I FEEL LIKE I CAN FLY! Not because Im happy though... Because I got something off my chest... Like finally... Dont know how long the weight has been there, but it feels good to let it out.

I really do hope nothing changes. = )

I miss everyone... T.T

2010-01-05T19:39:00.002+08:00

Well, I got into 4IX... The second sub science class... I was alittle worried in the beginning. But now I've seem to become fond of everything... And my dreams of becoming a doctor seems to have vanished over-night... But at the same time, I am totally lost as to what Im gonna do in the future... So I guess I'll continue in sub-science since my appeal definitely can't get through.

The bad part is, 4IX is starting to seep into me... No idea why though... Maybe cause I laughed about 70% of the time in class today... Laugh meaning laugh until my stomach hurts kinda laugh...

So after school Gavin, Chee Seng and I went to buy our books... The line, like yesterday, was long... We waited a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes to get to the front of the line and buy the books... After that, the 3 of us walked back home after having a small meal in the canteen...

When I reached home, I saw a pair of shoes that definitely belonged to a girl but not my sister... I was wonder who it could be. When my sister came to open the door for me, I asked her who the owner was and why is she at our house... Who knew, the moment I stepped into my house I was shocked to see my OTHER sister in the house... And she didn't tell me before coming... ESTELLE!!! NEXT TIME INFROM ME PLEASE!!!

So we played Pictionary. And talked and listened to music. She went back home at about 6... Then Danielle suddenly pops-up from the window of the car and says: ' Have you been touching my sister?' I was so shocked to see her... 2 months after not seeing nor talking to her. It's very nostalgic. Haha.

So after that I went to do my Add Maths homework. Still easy, FOR NOW! I had originally planned to reach back home at 3.30pm(which I did do), get cleaned up and eat alittle bit by 3.45pm, and sleep for about 15-30 minutes from there on and do the homework after waking up. Estelle, Estelle... Potong me only. But I had fun and didn't emo today thanks to you. SO!

THANKS ESTELLE! I will make it up to you somehow.

After finishing my homework, ate MCD, came online, sewed a session tag onto my new shirt, ironed some clothes and blogged.

That's all for today. Not sure when Im gonna blog again. BYE

Great last day

2009-12-31T23:31:00.002+08:00

Spent my final day of the year with my mom and sister. We went to Mid Valley. The only reason I went was to shop for afew shirts and a new pair of shoes because I have been using the same pair of shoes to go out with friends for maybe 3-4 years already.

So we left the house at about 11am to go to my mom's office cause she had some small thing to do. HER OFFICE IS SO COOL!!! No idea why I think that way though. Haha. At about 1 we left for Mid Valley and I went to get the tickets for Sherlock Holmes at 7pm. I stood in line for maybe 45 minutes? The line was really long.

So after that, I went to Metrojaya to look for some shirts. EVERYTHING WAS STRIPES!!! I HATE! wearing horizontally striped shirts. So I didn't get anything. I couldn't even find myself some shoes... So in the end, I got a new shirt for my dad and my mom and sister got some stuff for themselves. Then after that had dinner. And yes... We spent ALOT of time in Metrojaya. At least 5 hours? Then we had dinner.

AFTER DINNER! We watched Sherlock Holmes. The seats were 2 rows from the screen but it was fairly comfortable. THE MOVIE SO NICE! Just that the ending is potong. Though I might like it only because I read Sherlock Holmes stories... Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle ONLY!!!

So after the movie. We were on our way to the the parking lot. It was almost closing time when I passed by the sports shop and saw a nice pair of shoes. I immediately went over to the sales-person and got my size. Didn't even try it on. Just got it and went off. And guess what? It's one size bigger than my current pair of shoes. So Im totally fine with it.

So we came back and I rushed to take a bath. Haha. Im very paranoid about feeling fresh... I feel weird if I walk to school because I start the day off sweaty... So mafan.

And now Im here at the computer blogging. I hope that the coming year is a good one. I not that this year was bad. I like it alot even though there were alot of bad times. Made alot of new friends. Gained alot of things. The bad stuff, I dont really care anymore. SO HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Gonna host a Skype call now. Im off from blogger for now. Bye

2009-12-30T19:26:00.002+08:00

Apparently, I'm feeling much better than I thought I would be. So cool right?

Something very interesting happened today. DI WERN PLAYED DOTA WITH ME! She's only just a beginner so don't ask her to dota with you unless she wants to. And please dont let her dota with the public... Well, she and I took and and easy AI so I could teach her the basic stuff. What she knows how to do now is walk, attack, run, and buy treads and scrolls. Not to mention tangos. So she doesnt know how to use skills and she doesnt really know why she can level up either. Nor does she know what items to buy. So if possible, someone go to her place and teach her please. So she can have more fun. We beat the AI and she was so happy. LOL!
ANYWAYS!

Congratulations Di Wern, and thanks. You made my day.

Sorry Declan.

2009-12-30T14:39:00.002+08:00

Im sorry about that. This is the first time I have been put into this kind of situation before. I guess because my immaturity sort of made me take it out on you. I couldn't control myself. Im sorry. Hope you can forgive me. I also hope that I can control it by tonight. If not I might not talk to anyone. Lol.

Im sorry, Declan.

Feelings just dont disappear when you want them to

2009-12-30T13:30:00.002+08:00

I need some time to remove these feelings. 2 days at the very least. So hopefully I'll be fine for New Year's.

For someone who loves to be in the middle, you know who you are. Sometimes people dont want someone in the middle to help them. I totally know how JW feels now. So next time when I tell you that you have no idea what is going on, just shut up and stop it ok? Thank you.

I dont get it...

2009-12-30T10:24:00.003+08:00

I seriously dont get it... Im not sure whether this is your part of your personality or what... Cause this has never happened before. Or maybe this is the first time I was hurt from it. I don't know. But still. It doesn't make sense... I wish I knew why, but you wouldn't tell me. And Im trying to believe what he told me, but because of what you told me the first time, I just can't... Im trying to not take the guy so seriously but still...
Don't you think it hurts when you care about someone and the someone is just mean to you 90% of the time??? What's so wrong with releasing that slight bit of stress out to the person who caused it?
I don't know how long I stayed up crying over this whole thing... And guess what? I dreamt about it too. So when I woke up, I cried again and again. So I hope you tell me what's going on. Before it's too late.

2009-12-28T13:42:00.002+08:00

It's so hard to make people happy sometimes...
Ever been in a situation where you can make someone you love happy and yet risk others suffering? And the others are people you love too. Totally got me damn emo since 2.30a.m. this morning. I kept thinking about the whole thing expecting to cry but I didn't in the end and slept at about 3.30a.m. I woke up at 4.23a.m. because of some stupid dream and realized that I had been tearing in my sleep...
Yet I have something else that rips me apart... The pain comes and goes just like the pain on my right knee... It's so stupid... Why do I have to go through this over and over again? I hate making decisions... Yet every person has to make decisions. Sometimes these decisions can cost lives... But the decision I have to make will kill me before I can kill anyone. Which means Im the only one to suffer from it, I hope.
Im feeling sick girl, you're so contagious.

BAABCAA

2009-12-24T20:23:00.003+08:00

That's what it said on my results slip... I am in no way dissapointed in it. Because I took the whole thing lightly. Haha. So I couldn't really put EVERYTHING into it. Serves me right lah, right?

Ashikin, I have your cookies. And my parents like them. I hope we can meet sometime before schoold reopens... Cause I definitely would prefer to give the container back to you before then... Haha

Being carefree is a good thing. SOMETIMES! I should seriously get someone to teach me how to be more serious about my studies... Hehe... I think I should just drown myself in music... IM SO BLOODY TIRED!

Went to V Station again... Damn fun. But about halfway through, my dad called... And was screaming at me because I only got 4As.... We hogged the band games room for about 3 hours? After that, we went to MCD to makan at about 5? Then after that I went back home. Sorry if I troubled anyone by walking back home. *coughs*

So I came back home, took a bath and SLEPT! It was so nice. Slept for about an hour. Then I woke up I was attacked with LOTS of calls from cousins and an text message from Declan which put the cherry on top of the cake... Zzz... So I woke up having a headache. And what do I take to take care of that? COFFEE!!! So Im most probably not sleeping tonight... Haha.

And now Im blogging. Haha. I have only afew final words to say. . .

Im sorry, Yasmin, Iman and Aiman. I totally forgot about calling you all. Im sorry. We'll go out some other time ok? Since the 3 of you have results good enough. *COUGHS LOUDLY*

And finally, congratulations to all form 3s. Doesn't matter whether you got any bad results. Sometimes, it's the effort you put in that counts.

YAY!

2009-12-23T03:15:00.002+08:00

Phei Fern finally got a Skype! SO!!! All add her! Her Skype name is taka.loves.em
And now I owe her because she made it all because I asked her to... Sad right?
Hopefully this post can cancel off that debt. Because I really dont want to owe her... T.T
So what now? IM REALLY BORED! And Im talking to Arshad, Kevin and Phei Fern on Skype at 3.21 in the morning. Crazy? I dont think so.
Declan, next time, dont leave your Skype on when you aren't even there... Unless there's something wrong with your Skype lar. Haha.
I feel so stupid now... Because I dont usually blog like this... It's like empty talk... Someone call me stupid! LOL!!!

You don't know how I feel when you smile at me like that!
Can't you see that you are the one to bring me back to life!
HAAAAAH~~~ I like that!

Part of the chorus from Sweety by Clazziquai Project. I LOVE IT!!! MUAHAHA!!!

2009-12-23T03:04:00.000+08:00

Today was AWESOME!!!

Declan's right...

2009-12-18T22:47:00.001+08:00

Thanks Declan. Needed that.
Well, Im fine now. And thanks to Declan, I realize that the whole thing is a misunderstanding. Im sorry! So they few of you dont need to put this in your heads... Haha.

Again, thanks Declan.

2009-12-18T14:33:00.002+08:00

Haiz...
Just to tell the few of you... It's VERY obvious that you people were out and met up and left me out of the picture yesterday. And when Gavin called me I was wondering what was the occasion... Considering that Ken was going... Which meant he had to already be out... When I called the 3 of you, all of you were out... So obvious lar...
I don't mind if you all dont invite for Starbucks or go outing or anything lar... But if you all invite me half way through your own outing and dont tell me the truth of what happened before I come, that just pisses me off... Seriously... And if you all didnt tell me because you thought that I would get mad, that makes it worse... Cause I would expect one or two of you to know how I would react by now... I wouldn't get mad... Im mad now only because I have the impression that you all didnt tell me the truth only because you thought I would get mad... Someone better tell me something before I go shooting everyone...

Sure, I did have fun yesterday. But now to think of it, I would rather that you people NOT invite me for outings if that's gonna happen again...

Stupid mood spoiling song...

2009-12-18T02:19:00.002+08:00

I had such a good mood the whole day until I downloaded this ONE song that totally turned my mood around... I want to not listen to it, but because I have gone into emo-overdrive, I can't stop listening... And it's Ne-Yo... I can't turn my ears away from his voice... Damn nice voice and the song is nice also... BUT WHY??!!
The very minute I heard the song, my good mood kena potong damn badly... Zzz...
The name of the song is Part Of The List by Ne-Yo... ARGH!!!

IT'S OVER!!!

2009-12-17T02:27:00.000+08:00

I no longer have a sleeping disorder. The gruesome 3 weeks or so seem VERY stupid now. MUAHAHA! CONGRATULATE ME!!!

I have a sleeping disorder T.T

2009-12-14T00:16:00.004+08:00

Someone teach me how to sleep please... It's like body has totally forgotten how to go to sleep... Cause lately I haven't been able to sleep much... I've been sleeping at about 4am on a daily basis... I have no idea why I can't sleep. It's like my body is restless when my mind is extremely tired. Then when my body is tired, my mind is restless... SO MAFAN!!!
So someone... Please teach me how to take care of this...

The day has come

2009-12-08T20:10:00.002+08:00

I feel very proud of myself. Im feel that Im finally over her. No offence to you, but I really feel glad that Im over you. Maybe anger has finally pushed the feeling away. And hopefully it NEVER comes back.

You called me at 1.28A.M. this morning just to ask if Im okay. The only reason I actually said 'Yeah, I am' was because I just woke up... How can you expect me to be okay after all the crap I go through? Thankfully, Im much more calm now. So if you want to know what happened, I would be GLAD to explain.

I really miss you.

2009-11-27T10:29:00.003+08:00

Yesterday night or rather this morning at about 1.30a.m. I thought of you. I dont know why I thought of you. Was it because of the emotional breakdown from yesterday afternoon? Or was it because you popped into my mind and I just continued thinking? I dont think I want to know. I cried so much because I thought of this one person who is very important to me. Before I continue, I would like to apologize to Jo Yee, a very good friend of mine. As I promised the night before that I would call her if I needed to talk about anything at all. Im sorry Jo Yee. I didn't call. I didn't want you to hear me cry. Im sorry.

I really miss you. And in a few months time, I think you would forget almost everything about me. You gave me something that I always wanted to feel. Last year, I gave up on even hoping I would feel that emotion which God knows what you call it. But thanks to you, I finally had the chance to feel it. And Im glad and thankful because you allowed me to. Thank you for that. All that's left now is one question.

Will you remember me as the boy who loved you or as the boy who gave you comfort? Or will you even remember me in months to come?

Doesn't matter. All that matters is as long as you remember me and know that I love you, it's good enough. I hope that you know that it's you Im talking about when you read this post.

Last but not least, thanks for everything.

Never cross a road while talking on the phone

2009-11-25T23:45:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile. Haven't blogged in about a week or more. So Im gonna blog about yesterday and today AND 2 days ago too. But it's gonna be short.

Monday, 23rd of November
My cousin brothers came over. We had alot of fun with cards and computer. So I didnt rot. Had Dominos' for dinner. IT WAS AWESOME!!!

Tuesday, 24th of November
Called afew old friends over to my house. So we had one of their PS2s connected to my new 42" LCD. Since my cousins were there, we had even more fun than expected. Played even more cards and got some new cards. MUAHAHA!

Today
Woke up at 12pm today. So I immediately started washing the clothes. Thank God they dried in time. HAHA! Anyways... After washing the clothes, I had lunch and watched Kiva since I had nothing to do. Stupid DVD was corrupted at episode 14... T.T
At about 5pm, Phei Fern called cause she was so bored. Your timing wasn't so good this time, Phei Fern. I was already on my way to the basketball court. Next time should call Ken to come. Sorry Ken, forgot to call you to come and play. OH! Something bad almost happened to me... I almost died today because of my phone AGAIN! Im sure you would be happy if I died right? Phei Fern? LOL! But I wonder how you would feel if you were the one who caused it. HAHA! Joking joking. But she almost got me killed. So an old lesson must be re-implanted into my head.
NEVER CROSS ROADS WHILE TALKING ON THE PHONE!

One more thing. No need to thank me, Jo Yee. It's what friends are for.

IT IS DONE

2009-11-19T23:18:00.001+08:00

I have deleted the non-emo blog. So from now on, this is NOT and all emo blog anymore. LOL.
That's all. Very short post for nothing

2009-11-19T10:35:00.002+08:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. Haven't had the mood. So! I believe I am gonna remove the non-emo blog. Cause even when Im not making any non-emo posts, I post them here. So I will remove it soon. I only wonder when David is gonna blog again. Zzz. Anyways, about the competition. Went there quite early but fought quite late. At about 5pm. HAHA. Lost in the first match even though I am VERY certain that I could have won the match easily. That thought is supported by my instructors too. But it doesn't matter. Cause that was my first ever clean match. So I enjoyed those 3 minutes very nicely.
This morning at 12.48am, somebody called me and told me she couldn't sleep. The thing is, I picked up the phone immediately. Why? Because I was thinking about alot of stuff. She called me at the right time because I would have cried if I had thought about the stuff any further. So thanks, Di Wern. I owe you BIGTIME.
One last thing before I end this post. This morning at 3am, my guitar dropped along with it's stand and one of my big containers which keeps my books dropped too. I woke up very blur and saw the books and guitar on the floor. I didn't really care about it yet so I went back to sleep. BUT! Just before closing my eyes, something moved at the corner of my eye. It shocked me until I practically had by heart bounce out of my chest. It was maybe 5 seconds after looking at it properly when I realized that it was.... JENG JENG JENG! A CAT! Apparently it came into the house from the front window and into my room from my room window. Must have been looking for my opened bar of chocolate which I didn't finish afew hours before. So I chased it out of my room and out from my house. That took me about 15 minutes cause It went back into my room when I opened my house front door... Stupid cat! Cause of that cat, I couldn't sleep for another 2 hours. Haiz...
So that's about it for now. Bye

Tomorrow is the day...

2009-11-14T18:58:00.001+08:00

I get freaking injured and will need a foot massage just to walk on the next day. HAHA! Seriously though, the competition is TOMORROW! And Im freaking injured already... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
So unfair. Need to be okay by tomorrow! ARGH!!!
I bought the cold spray thing. 2 cans. Never knew they were THAT expensive. RM20 each... Damn pain to my wallet cause it was my own money... LOL! I dont know why, but I just had a feeling that KK isnt gonna be providing us with the spray. So Im guessing that alot of people will be asking for it tomorrow... zzz
Mom's calling me to cook. WISH ME LUCK! BYE

What your problem?

2009-11-12T19:22:00.002+08:00

Why do you keep doing that to me? Seriously. I dont know what's your problem. Until you tell me why, I wont know what you're trying to tell me. And just so you know, I enjoyed seeing that tortured face of yours this morning. Hope you enjoyed it! Im sure you know who you are. So tell me what you are trying to do. Before I take things the wrong way.

Scared

2009-11-10T22:53:00.002+08:00

The competition is on Sunday. OMG! IT'S THIS SUNDAY! AND IM FREAKING SICK! Plus I have both my hamstrings pulled. How lar? If not ok by Friday day then Im dead lar. ARGH!!! What makes it worse is that all the competetors are MBW people... SCARY!!! Wish me luck people. I WILL NEED IT! LOL!

I HATE YOU!!!

2009-11-10T12:16:00.002+08:00

Im going to TRY and refrain from using foul language.

WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??? Who in bloody hell do YOU think you are???!!! Who ever said that YOU could change things??!! YOU SUCK! I can't believe I'm ACTUALLY doing this crap. I hope you know that YOU FREAKING SUCK! And I don't know about the others, but I FUCKING HATE YOU, BLOODY BITCH!

Starting to get alittle pissed

2009-11-02T15:28:00.002+08:00

After reading everyone's blogs that have posts about the AAR concert, Im starting to get alittle pissed at my mom. Trying to control it though. Cause I can't just burst and tell my mom infront of family : ' I should have gone for the concert. YOU LAR!' Those would be the exact words I would tell her. Because of her, I've been stuck here, bored and getting EXTREMELY FAT! They've been feeding me TOO much... So much until I can literally feel my body getting heavier... Plus I've got a sparring competition coming up VERY SOON! If I weigh more that 60kg, Im dead meat... ARGH!!! Must start on extreme exercise and balanced diet, FAST!!!! LOL

What's wrong with me?

2009-10-31T23:50:00.003+08:00

Im in Sabah right now, I'll be back on Monday. Left for the airport late so we reached late... Managed to get on-board just in time. The flight was killer considering that I have been having back problems for the past 2 days already. Reached Tawau, Sabah after a 2 hour and 45 minutes flight...
Met my uncle at the airport and left for Semporna. Was VERY bored because I had no idea what we were gonna do. In the end, all we did was look at some GIANT fish and drove back to my uncle's place which is in Sandakan. The drive there was gruesome... It was a 5 hour drive...
When we reached there, I, being my usual self, WAS FREAKING HUNGRY!!! So we all took a bath, and went for dinner. Had RAW LOBSTER for APPETIZER! Cool right? It brought my boredom mood totally back up. I ate until I was TOTALLY STUFFED with SEAFOOD!!!
Then we came back to the apartment and now Im blogging, being bored and being down for I dont know why. Maybe cause Im worrying about that thing... Damn lar... Im supposed to be relaxing, yet Im working my brain off by worrying about something that isn't happening to me...
WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

Im Sorry

2009-10-30T18:41:00.002+08:00

Dont know whether you will read this post or not. We have yet again dissapointed you. I really dont know what to say lar. All I can say is that Im sorry. I really can't attend today. If I could, I would. And you know that everyone is scared of you when you are angry. Most of us dont have any actual reasons for not passing up the forms.

Im sorry(Im sure all of us are too), Sir Tan Kok Keong.

Thank you

2009-10-30T18:07:00.002+08:00

For making the last day worthful. I make it seem like Im never seeing you again when I will see you in about 2 weeks time... LOL! I wonder how you will be before the thing... Hopefully you'll be fine before AND after the thing. Im sure you'll be fine right? HAHA

Final words:

Orewa-no, Phei Fern-san, daisuki desu.

Now I have reason to say it.

2009-10-30T12:57:00.007+08:00

Im sorry I didn't talk to you today even though it was my last day seeing you. Im really sorry. I just didn't want to piss you off. I thought that if I was with them on that side you'd be fine with it and that you would think 'Thank God he's not here to piss me off today'. Seriously, that's what I think you would think. I hope that sentence is correct.
Im really sorry. And I really hope that you will lose your anger before the thing, it's important that your pressure is normal.

I hope you know that where you are I wish you well.

Perfect line for me to say to you. Good luck, and dont leave.

Seriously, alot of us would cry if that happened, GOOD LUCK!!!

Last Post in A Long, Long Time...Hopefully

2009-10-29T18:35:00.002+08:00

You know, come to think of it,

IF I never did, do anything I did to help us have a good

friendship-bonding time,

I wouldn't be so hurt.

If I never helped you go for the trip,

I wouldn't be so left alone and hurt

and maybe perhaps have

a better time myself there.

Come to think of it,

I wonder wether you still do

appreciate or even remember

all the things I did for you.

Still wonder wether you actually

was touched by what I did for you or even cared about what I did.

I guess not

Why? Well, cause, you didn't

keep your promise.

How do I know wether you did or didn't?

I don't need to.

I can see it straight in your actions.

You don't even give a damn about everthing I do or did for you.

Maybe if you did, only little.

Not much to be considered as your friend.

So What The hell right?

DID&DO

What a lonely day

2009-10-28T16:36:00.002+08:00

I didn't go to school today because I was expecting Beh and Seng Yew to come to my house... In the end, the plan had to be changed. So I was at home feeling lonely and thinking about ALOT of emo stuff... Then I rememberd that there was an EXCO meeting this morning... I hope Pn. Surita wont kill me for it, even though she told me herself that the meeting was today... So I was talking to Daniel Yoong for the whole morning online. Thanks Daniel for accompanying me until you had to go for work. After that I was waiting for people to show up online...
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting........
WAITING...........
And the first one to pop-up was Kevin. Which was weird. I would expect people like Jo Yee or Ken or Phei Fern to pop-up first. So I talked to him while watching Kabuto... I was wondering which one came first, Decade or Kabuto, so I thought 'I should ask Ken, he would know'... Turns out that he still wasn't online even though it was already 3pm... Then at 4.30pm, Kevin went off to meet them at Kayu... I was like 'POTONG!'... But then again, thanks Kevin for chatting with me, REALLY appreciate it. Then only I remembered that they all were going to Kayu today... Haiz... So sad for me... This lonely little boy at home... Doing nothing but sitting infont of his small laptop while thinking how I can fix my problem with her... Made me cry once today because I was thinking about my problems... I need to talk to people about them soon before I blow up... Even my english is getting worse due to my problems. ARGH!!! The 2 people I plan on talking about them to, one of them is most probably studying so her phone is definitely OFF! And the doesnt come online much and is EXPENSIVE to call... So I think I'll wait for either one of them to be free first...

Can somebody save me,
Cause Im thinking maybe,
That you can take me piece by piece....

Part of the starting of Fallin Apart by the All American Rejects... I feel exactly like those few sentences...

WHY?!

2009-10-27T14:39:00.007+08:00

WHY? did you have to leave her?
WHY? do you continuously stab me? If you hate me so much, just kill me already?
WHY? am I such a BIG asshole?
WHY? do I feel this way for you?
WHY? cant I just say NO?

Im not strong enough to take all that burden ok? Let loose on me. Cause you and I BOTH know that I cant live up to what you want me to be...

I cant believe it...

2009-10-25T22:46:00.002+08:00

I cant believe I was sitting there on the bridge for almost 2 hours this morning just thinking whether I should ring the bell... Definitely wasnt stalking. I was just on my way to Taekwondo class really early cause my parents weren't around. And considering that nobody was at the academy, I might as well have waited at a place where I could sit comfortably for free and just think about my problems. I cant believe I was sitting there for almost 2 hours! I have no idea how I survived to think about my problems without any music and not cry! Most probably cause of the traffic and also the fact that it was a public place.
At approximately 1.30p.m. I went to the academy feeling pretty okay after thinking about all my problems lately. After teaching Chow Yee, straight away moved on to the E.X. Academy Sparring Team training. IT WAS KILLER! I kicked Beh's elbow twice with the same leg on the same spot, got kicked on my left biscep AT LEAST 10 times(got a bruise for it) and clashed on my RIGHT knee at least 5 times. Considering the injury that I already have, my knee is feeling like it's gonna break off soon...
I went to the academy at 1.30p.m. When all the training had ended, I came back at about 7 p.m. and got a crazy shooting from my mom. But it was worth it cause I made a big improvement today. So YAY FOR ME!!!
Anyways, Im gonna sleep now. Have a good night everyone! BYE

People are right about me

2009-10-24T20:14:00.002+08:00

Alot of people are so right about me. I SO dig up my own holes... And I really dont know why I do that? Am I lacking of attention? Maybe, but even if I was, I would search for my parents attention instead of my friends' attention. So can somebody tell me why I just keep doing this to myself? It sucks to be SO depressed and yet EXTREMELY hyper at the same time you know? Im can't believe the MBW Open is coming soon and yet Im in depression... So unfair...

Orewa Phei Fern-san daisuki daisuki daisuki desu

My desires

2009-10-24T00:27:00.008+08:00

I have to remove my desires for more. I have to stop expecting that we can become more than just best friends. Cause I know deep inside, no matter how much I try to escape the fact, you and I can't be together. It just wouldn't work. Now all I want is what you most probably want as well. And you were the one who gave me the thought to it. I never thought it was possible due to my desires. But now I believe that it IS possible for you and I to be what we were before we told each other about our feelings for each other. And I really want that now.
I wonder if we both agree on that. That we should just be best friends and nothing more and hide our feelings and hopefully slowly lose them. Im not saying that I have anything against our feelings for each other. I just think that it would be the best option for the both of us. We put each other through crap almost everyday. So it should be best that we just stayed friends. Do you agree? I hope you do.

OREWA PHEI FERN-SAN DAISUKI DAISUKI DAISUKI DESU

Tell me please

2009-10-22T19:03:00.002+08:00

I know that lately I have pissed alot of my friends off. Actually I have been doing that forever now. But I would like to know, who is pissed at me. If I dont know, how can I ever make it up to you people? And if I dont know why you're all pissed at me, I would never know how to fix it either. So please. Tell me. Whenever you people are pissed, just tell me. I need to change. I know that. I need to remove my stubborness before that, I know that too. Thank you, Ashikin, for that. Though you may not have faith in me that I can remove it, I WILL try. I just need to find out where to start first. So give me a stepping stone. And hopefully I can do my best to be the person you all want me to be.
Thank you.

I know I suck

2009-10-22T18:16:00.002+08:00

I already know I suck. I also know that Im an ass and one of the biggest idiots on this planet! Nobody has to remind me about that. I just felt lonely this morning, that's all. Im sorry for saying that. Please forgive me. I really didn't mean it.
Besides that, I know that whenever we tell each other that thing, problems always come. It's a part of life, we can't escape it. Everyone will go through this kind of problems sooner or later. So please, forgive me. I really am truly sorry.

I wonder

2009-10-20T16:52:00.004+08:00

A thought came to me this morning. What would happen to me if you were to leave me? Would I misunderstand? Would I get mad? Would I leave your side? Would I hate you? Would I kill you?

Answers to all that would be a big fat NO. I wouldn't leave you even if the world told me to. Cause I made a promise that I wouldn't leave you. I will always be there for you no matter what. Same goes for anyone who wants my help. Im just a call away.

But 1 thing that would definitely happen to me if you left me is that I would be devastated by it. So I hope you wont leave me. You can break my heart, just don't leave me.

Cant believe it...

2009-10-18T17:24:00.001+08:00

I can't believe that I almost cried during training today... Crazy right? I was supposed to be happy. But because of the EXTREME lack of sleep, I was so dead... Till the training was cancelled. I almost cried cause I thought of that... It's so sad that I cant talk to anyone about it... Cause Im sworn to secrecy... ARGH

2009-10-18T03:48:00.003+08:00

Since you left at 3.07a.m. , I couldn't stop thinking about you.
First I thought about you, then that, then him... It sucks when I can barely even manage afew days without seeing you. Am I crazy? SURE I AM! Crazily in love with you... Yet somehow, I feel happy for a certain reason. I dont think Im gonna emo tonight even though I thought about that thing... So you may relax and calm down when you wake up in the morning and read this post. Im sorry for one thing though, that is not being able to come online. I'll be going back to Taekwondo for the first time in 2 weeks.

FINALLY!!!

What should I do?

2009-10-17T20:06:00.003+08:00

I seriously dont know who to ask for advice anymore. I need an some opinions... Leave your opinions for the following 2 situations on my C-Box.

1- I promised my mom that I wouldn't go on outings anymore after the one on Thursday. But on this coming Monday is a very dear friend's belated birthday dinner. I have no idea what I should do. I feel guilty for intentionally trying to break this promise. But then again, I have perfectly good reasons to break this promise. I dont know what to do... ARGH! HELP!

2- Should I tell my mother about how I feel for a certain girl? I tell my mom almost everything. But I dont know if I should... The thing is alot more complicated... Help?

Im scared

2009-10-17T09:42:00.004+08:00

I went offline this morning to get some sleep at 2a.m. I slept almost immediately. At a certain point, close to 3a.m. I think, somthing woke me up. It was about you, leaving your entire bunch of friends and I after it failed. I woke up before the ceremony, finding the side of my pillow that I was sleeping on wet, and the other side of my face flooded with tears. I tried to not think about it and dried my tears after I woke up, but then when the clock struck 3 a.m., tears started to flow like a river into the sea. I prayed and prayed that you would be fine for almost an hour. When I had finally stopped crying, it was 5a.m. already. And the fact that with every passing day, I might have less time with you puts me into depression.

I cant live without you.

I wanna see you.

I wanna hold you in my arms.

I wanna love you forever.

AND

I want you to promise me that you will never leave me or any of us.

Please stay.

Are you a comforting person?

2009-10-17T01:28:00.002+08:00

The answer is yes. To me that is. When Im down and need help, I dont even need to ask you(and I almost NEVER do) and you come to save me. Thank you.
You asked me if you are a comforting person, I say YES. There's no doubt about it.
I only just realized that so many people were there for me when I needed help, but somehow I managed to annoy them into not wanting to be there for me anymore. But YOU were the only one who stood there to bear with my idiocy even though it meant going through pain. You were there for me. And I never appreciated what you did for me. Thank you.
In fact, I never ever appreciated what ANY of my true friends did for me. And now, I feel like an ass. So...
Thank you, everyone.

Sorry dude

2009-10-17T01:21:00.001+08:00

I only realized it last week. I couldnt stop thinking of her. Im sorry for doing this to you. Please forgive me. Im feel very strongly for her. And I cant do anything about it. But I dont regret feeling the way I feel for her. Please dont get mad at me.

What's wrong with me?

2009-10-16T09:18:00.003+08:00

I had a bad night of sleep yesterday night. I woke up at 7.30a.m. this morning.
Why?
Because......
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
I couldn't stop worrying about you.
I couldn't stop dreaming about you.
I can't stop loving you either.
haha

If you want reasons after reading this post, go ahead and ask me.

Worried...

2009-10-15T23:48:00.001+08:00

Im worried because of the way you have been talking to me tonight. It feels like you are slipping away. Isit my fault? Or am I just being paranoid? Please tell me...

Forgive me for everything tonight

2009-10-15T20:42:00.003+08:00

I ask for forgiveness from Ken Yoong, Kevin and especially Phei Fern. Im sorry for worrying all of you. I can't explain myself to any of you for what I did. Trust me, I knew that you would all be worried and I would regret worrying all of you, but I needed the time to myself. I hope you can all understand that I need to be by myself at random times. Im sorry.

Guilt

2009-10-13T20:37:00.002+08:00

I feel guilt. Not gonna say why. That's all for now.
Damn lazy to blog. Sorry.

Thanks and sorry

2009-10-04T20:19:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to a very dear friend of mine- Chong Phei Fern.
On Friday night, I was really bummed out for I can't remember what reason anymore. So I texted Phei Fern to talk about it because she was the only one I could think of who would still be awake at 1 a.m.? I would like to thank her because she took the time to put up with my stupid whining and actually stay up for me for the whole night! THAT'S RIGHT! THE WHOLE NIGHT! I accidentally cried myself to sleep at about 2 a.m. and I feel my phone vibrate even though it was right next to my head... I woke up at about 7 a.m. checking my phone and finding myself reading a message that said: 'I won't sleep until you reply me!'... At first I thought 'No way she would stay up that long... Even I can't do that...' So I texted her in reply to that message and she replied me immediately! I called her immediately after that to say sorry and so the conversation continued from there...
So yeah...
Thank you so much, Phei Fern. And Im so sorry.

2009-10-04T20:16:00.002+08:00

I told her about how I feel for her via phone call on Friday night via phone call. No point hiding it anymore since I could tell that she already figured it out herself. I dont think Im sad about it. She was very normal with it. Im trying not to be sad about it. So most of you should not worry. So chill. Im fine. ^^

Feeling guilty #2

2009-10-01T18:09:00.002+08:00

This post is entitled '#2' because I have made a post with a similar title before. lol...
Well, today I feel depressed, guilty and thankful. I will go to guilty and thankful first.
I wanted to skip school today but my parents told me yesterday that either I skip today or I skip tomorrow. So naturally I chose tomorrow to skip school. Realizing that nobody was coming to school today, I called Phei Fern to come to school. She wasn't so co-operative at first, but she said yes in the end. She asked Rachel to come and so she came too... Only 6 people came to class today... So it was really boring. I feel guilty because I called Phei Fern to come to school and therefore causing her depression today. Thankful because she was willing to come and accompany me.
Now, to the part where I feel depressed. I feel depressed because... Nevermind. I think I'll leave that part out of this. Just know that I am depressed. Good enough.

I need you here with me right now,

But I dont want you here,

Because that would just stab the knife deeper into my heart.

Patience...

2009-09-30T21:13:00.002+08:00

I need to be patient with everything now. Im so pissed that I can't go to train for the next 2 weeks. My parents won't let me out till PMR is over...
I almost burst at a very sensitive friend a few minutes before making this post because of the not being able to train thing... I wanna kill someone.
I need to release some anger and I dont want to punch walls over such a thing. So IM GONNA BURST RIGHT NOW!
DO You BLOODY KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE DONE FOR YOU??!! YET WHEN I ASK FOR A SMALL THING IN RETURN, YOU COMPLAIN AND HURT ME AT THE SAME TIME? ARGH!

AND YOU! CANT YOU SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TORTURE ME EVERY SINGLE DAY IN SCHOOL???!!! PLEASE TAKE MY BLOODY HINTS ALREADY! I WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH A.S.AP.! YOU MAKE ME SO PISSED AT THE GUY TILL I PUNCH WALLS AND MAKE ME SO BLOODY SAD BECAUSE OF SO MANY REASONS! THE MAIN REASON IS!

Im madly in love with you. Please realise it. I cant tell you now for certain reasons. If you can find out before my planned date, it would make it a whole lot easier for me.

PLEASE! GOD DAMN IT! REALISE IT NOW!

I F*^K&*G HATE YOU, BLOODY PMR!!!

What's wrong with me?

2009-09-29T16:16:00.002+08:00

I realise that I can't study in almost any given condition or environment but I don't know why. This made me very very pissed at myself. I almost blew up at afew people. That comes to show that I can be very patient with other people but I can't be patient with myself. It's stupid isn't it? It should be the other way around.

You treat me just like another stranger,

Well it's nice to meet you, Sir.

Well I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend!

Sometimes I wish I could sing that to so many people. Including HER. Well, I must be really pissed today. I fell in love with that song today even though I didn't really like it before. I've been listening to it tons of times today and I can already get the lyrics. : )

But then again, Im still pissed.

Sometimes I wonder why I fell for you.

Must there be a reason to love?

I know that a reason is unnecessary,

but I still wonder why.

I need to learn how to neglect emotions.

Example:Love, fear, sadness, anger, pain.

Then again, I should love.

So maybe I can learn to control the emotion.

I should. Dont you think so too?

Yet another bad day

2009-09-25T23:50:00.002+08:00

I dont know whether it's me or whatever... But I always have the worst times during the holidays... I wish I knew what is the cause for my misery... Wait, I do know... And the cause sucks. Cause without it, I would be a particularly happy person. The cause isn't anything that has to do with my lovelife. It's got everything to do with my past. Some people might know what Im talking about. Most wouldn't. And I can't really explain it on this blog... Too long of a story...
So that is all for today. I wish for everyone to have a good night and a good weekend. Bye.

EMO DAY

2009-09-24T22:53:00.003+08:00

I feel bloody emo today... No idea why... Nobody knew that I was cause I put up a false front so that Declan, Chee Seng and Gavin wouldn't know. Pro right? Im actually pretty good at putting up a false front but for the right reasons. Unlike SOMEONE I know. Im sure SOMEONE would know that it's him/her. Maybe it's because I have been thinking about HER the whole day today? Maybe... And maybe not... But I have been thinking about her the whole day today. I wish I could see you right now... I miss you alot... Should I try to forget you? I could if I wanted to. Cause I have done that to someone before. I almost managed to forget you, but the fact that I have been thinking about you so much today proved the fact that it's impossible for me to forget you. Forget HIM, or at least dont kill me everytime you bring up a topic about HIM... You have no idea how much pain I feel whenever you talk about HIM...
I hope you realise how I feel about you and that I can't forget you. Please make the correct choice.

Im Sorry

2009-09-23T23:12:00.003+08:00

Im sorry Ken Yoong. I didn't know that I hurt you that badly. But you were right about one thing. If I had known how you felt at the time, I would have called IT off. But would it have mattered? Cause IT was heading into a road of doom already. You should have told me earlier. That could have saved us both from being hurt so badly. You should have told me yourself too... LOL! Cause when I was told by your messenger, I was furious that you didn't tell me yourself... But what's past has past. No point in regreting it. I hope you aren't hurting as bad as then. I wish you good luck, my good friend.